A new study published in The Social Science Quarterly completely backs up Johnny Cash’s story in ”A Boy Named Sue.” As it turns out, calling your baby boy something uncommon, unpopular, or feminine will most definitely “increase the tendency toward juvenile delinquency.” There’s a greater chance he’ll wind up in the slammer … or playing “Indiana Jones” like Shia LaBeouf.
While the Shippensburg University researchers proved that a girlie-named guy will be forced to be a fighter, at least on the playground, on the upside, rebels eventually make delicious man candy! Am I right, ladies? So, to help you on your hunt for the sexiest piece of ass, here are the top ten names that separate the men from the bad boys, after the jump…
- Alec: Because it rhymes with Phallic?
- Tyrell: Similar to Terrell Owens, the controversial football player.
- Ernest: Beware, this name is for liars! Does Bert know?
- Preston: First name of the ’40s renegade car maker, Tucker, who sadly failed. But at least he tried to tell GM to suck it back in the day!
- Garland: Honestly, who would name their kid Garland?
- Malcolm: X was a rebel with a cause.
- Ivan: Ivan The Terrible, Ivan The Horrible … history repeats itself.
- Kareem: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar may just be one of the few NBA greats that hasn’t had a scandal. Hm, this one seems iffy.
- Luke: Luke Perry or Dylan McKay works here.
- Walter: Aw. Seriously, Walter?
Those are rough! But the study seems to be ignoring one big issue: women. My name is Simcha, which is typically a boys name, I was picked on a ton as a child, and I did, in fact, beat up a Girl Scout. In my defense, the bitch totes had it coming for snapping my training bra and making fun of Bryan Adams. Wait, did I just ruin my tough girl act by admitting I was obsessed with “Everything I Do, I Do It For You?” I swear, I’m b-b-b-b-bad to the bone. Seriously scientists, equalize, nay, finish your research! There are some unfortunately named bad girls out there too.