Doin’ It With Dr. V: What To Do When He Can’t Get It Up

This week, I got an email from a lady who’s having a hard time getting her man up for sex. Here’s what she wrote:

“My boyfriend didn’t even get an erection when I was topless, underneath him, kissing him! He is under a lot of stress, but so am I. 
When we do have, usually scheduled, sex, it is amazing, very intimate and passionate. But I’m a very sexual person, it is part of my nature, I want some quantity as well as quality. Now he wants me to go ‘cold turkey’ until he ‘sorts his head out.’ He does recognize the problem, but doesn’t offer any solutions. He is a wonderful boyfriend and truly loves me. What do I do?”

As a woman, all we have to physically do to prepare for sex is show up and spread ‘em. It’s really easy to feel completely powerless when you’re doing your part, but he just can’t seem to get in position. Some blame whiskey, some blame condoms, some blame nerves, some blame erectile dysfunction, but no matter the cause of the problem, it’s not your fault. It happens to every dude at some point. That siad, you do have options to bring the mood back up, even when he’s down.

  1. Put On A Show: You know your man loves to watch you touch yourself. Take care of your own business.
  2. Cool Vibe: Grab a sex toy. If he’s down, he can use if on you or you can combine #1 and #2 and put on a vibe show. Warning: Some dudes will be hurt if you bring in a substitute schlong. So, please, before you bust out your battery operated boy, make sure he’s OK with sex toy play. Also, instead of a stunt prick, you could just use a clitoris specific, non-phallic looking vibrator. That might be the middle ground you both can enjoy.
  3. Just Keep Making Out: You don’t have to roll over. Just because he can’t put it in you doesn’t mean you have to give up on the moment. Keep on kissing and don’t stop ’til you get enough.
  4. Another Kind Of Hand Job: A relaxing massage is the perfect antidote for a tense moment. Let him lie down and go to town touching him.

The key to any of these is to have no expectations for his wang because it could be down for the count. You don’t want to turn one night into a lifetime of insecurities. Don’t get frustrated, act all rejected, or get pushy. Don’t try to start a conversation about what’s going wrong with your sexy times. Don’t keep stroking or sucking it — frankly, don’t head down there at all unless he tells you he’s ready to bone. If this is a recurring problem, he should see a doctor. But remember, above all, his lift-ability isn’t about you. So, reassure him and stay chill. If you don’t make it into a thang, it won’t be.

Hi, I’m Dr. V. I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily lead me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. And please, if you have a question, email me. You know I love to read your smut too!