Tabloid Cheat Sheet: RPatz & Kristen Stewart Breakup, Megan Fox & Shia LaBeouf Get Stoned

Several tabloids this week did Michael Jackson tribute issues, which is to be expected. But there’s so much other trashy celebrity drama that we need to catch up on! We’ve practically forgotten all about Jon and whatsherface or Rihanna and so-and-so. I never thought I’d say this, but I kinda need more diverse hubbub in my life (no offense MJ), so thank goodness this week hit a few of our favorite drama mongers.

Life & Style claims that Robert Pattinson has dumped Kristen Stewart and has already moved on to Emilie de Ravin, who’s in his next movie, while Kristen cries her eyes out. Now their onscreen love will be ruined forever. Um…isn’t it kind of weird that they’ve broken up in the tabloids before ever confirming they were dating in real life? [Life&Style]
OK Magazine did a piece on the Jackson family versus Debbie Rowe custody battle, saying that Debs has to pick millions or mamahood. Michael’s will granted temporary custody to his mom and specified that if she couldn’t take care of the three kids, then Diana Ross should take over. He left Debbie out all-together, probably because she’s given up her parental rights for money twice in the past, in their 1999 divorce (for $8.5 mill) and fought for custody again after the accusations of sexual abuse arose in 2003, even though she hadn’t seen the kids in years. If she doesn’t fight for custody this time, she could make up to $100 million says Debbie’s friend, since the Jackson’s don’t want to fight over the kids. Debbie sounds like a real great mom. I wonder what went wrong? [OK!Magazine]
Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox have been vocal about their support for marijuana and openly admit to smoking it, but the National Enquirer still got me when they wrote, “Megan Fox and Shia LaBeouf are in love…with smoking reefer!” NE reports that the two joke about “growing old together as an eccentric hippie couple” and have had “many lively late-night conversations about how marijuana should be legalized.” Has anyone at the Enquirer ever been stoned, because I highly doubt those conversations were particularly lively. They were more likely rambling and dissolved as soon as someone mentioned the word “tacos.” [National Enquirer]
Star Magazine has reported that Renee Zellweger has gone ahead and stolen Jennifer Aniston’s new man, Bradley Cooper. Presumably, they went on about how Aniston is so unlucky in love and bitches are always stealing her mens. But everyone always fails to mention the fact that she’s dated some of the most beautiful men in the world. Her life ain’t so bad, guys! Plus, wasn’t Renee married to a country singer? She deserves some hot dude action since she probably had to go to rodeos and help him pull off stinky cowboy boots nightly. [Star Magazine]