Yikes! With less than six months to go, the end of the decade is rapidly approaching. This past decade has seen many fashion improvements since the 90′s. Give yourself a pat on the back. Now it’s time to get to work. We have less than six months to eradicate some of the more embarrassing trends from the past years. Banning dark lipstick, heavy foundation and the anchor woman haircut were impressive achievements, but not nearly enough to forgive all our other fashion sins. Here is a list of styles and trends that must be destroyed as soon as possible. If we stop wearing these items now, history may forget that they ever existed, or may at least look kindly at the fact that we recognized the error of our fashion ways and attempted to repent before it was too late.
- Crocs: The greatest fashion atrocity in the history of the U.S. since the fanny pack. My boyfriend has actually just informed me that they are huge in Israel and gaining popularity in France. Zut alors! The U.S. once again pollutes international waters with our trash. I love my shoes, but I am not so insistent upon wearing heels all the time. Sometimes a ballet flat or metallic flip flop is even trendier than a heel. Comfort does not always have to be sacrificed for fashion which is what makes the Croc so particularly heinous. There are so many options for comfy and cute shoes out there! There is nothing redeeming about Crocs. I would suggest burning them, but they are probably inflammable.
- Bubble Skirt : I actually don’t have much of a grudge to bear against the bubble skirt. Right now I actually think it’s pretty darn cute, if very difficult to pull off. My historical complaint lies in the tragic fact that I don’t think history will get this look. In all honesty I think cultural historians will assume we were off our rockers. Bubble skirts amplify what many women which to underemphasis: tushes and thighs. These fluffy numbers bubble out the very part of our body we wish would bubble in. Bubble skirts are also not the most practical of its kind, as the narrowing at the bottom has the same leg constricting effect as a pencil skirt. I also have yet to figure out how to dress and style a bubble skirt. What sort of shirts, shoes and accessories work with such an odd silhouette befuddles my brain and probably the brains of future fashion historians.
- Leggings: I loathe the day leggings were resurrected from the 80′s. I am a total hypocrite as I regular don these not-quite-tights, but I am not a happy camper when doing so. I don’t think they are the most flattering silhouette on most, and even if you happen to be lucky enough to rock this look, confess, are they really that comfortable? Also, they are routinely responsible for camel toe.
- Uggs: Darling, I know it’s cold. Trust me, I went to college in Siberia aka Vermont. People claimed to wear Uggs in the blistery cold winter as they were practical, functional and somewhat fashionable. I could almost bear them in the snowy months, but I was utterly disheartened to see girls donning Uggs even after they put their winter coats away. I was downright livid when I saw the most horrific fashion crime of the decade: Uggs and miniskirts. Really, I only rant about Uggs during the winter occasionally. I understand that fashion can’t come before function when there is five feet of snow outside. You are excused. There is, however, no excuse whatsoever for wearing Uggs and miniskirts. If you are wearing a miniskirt it can’t be that cold out. There is no method behind this fashion madness.