Trailer Park: “Public Enemies” And “Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs”

It’s 4th of July weekend, which means you’re gonna be busy, sun-soaked and let’s face it, drunk. Since you’ll be useless on Sunday anyway, you might as well take it easy while reliving American history with “Public Enemies” or you can take the munchkins to “Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs” but keep in mind that 3-D isn’t the most hangover-friendly dimension.

The Movie: “Public Enemies”
The Trailer: Based on Bryan Burrough’s book, Public Enemies: America’s Greatest Crime Wave and the Birth of the FBI, 1933-43, the movie is a Depression-era gangster flick depicting the real-life career of bank robber John Dillinger (Johnny Depp), who FBI chief J. Edgar Hoover (Billy Crudup) made into public enemy number one, even though the public thought of him as a hero, or a modern Robin Hood. Dillinger falls for a woman named Billie Frechette (Marion Coillard from “La Vie en Rose”) who becomes a pawn who refuses to give up Dillinger’s location. Melvin Purvis (Christian Bale) spent years trying to bring Dillinger to justice. The making of public enemies (including Bonnie and Clyde and Ma Barker) and development of “ethically elastic law-enforcement procedures” changed the FBI into what it is today. [Entertainment Weekly]
The Hitch: Holy girl boner! Johnny Depp and Christian Bale in the same movie!? Sadly, the two don’t share much screen time, but apparently both of their favorite scenes was the re-created 1934 FBI raid at the Little Bohemia Lodge in Wisconsin where Dillinger and his gang magically escaped the Feds. But just cause we won’t necessarily get one of those hot cop to robber moments where Bale sexily whispers in Depp’s ear that he’s ‘gonna get him,’ doesn’t mean you won’t get plenty of hot men-with-guns action. And don’t let the fact that Dillinger was shot leaving a movie theater deter you, your guy friends won’t mind being dragged to the theater for this shoot ‘em up and when else will you get the opportunity to throw on some garters and dress up for the occasion?

The Movie: “Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs”
The Trailer: The new 3-D “Ice Age” movie, “Dawn of the Dinosaurs,” takes place in the highly improbable land where dinosaurs exist millions of years after extinction in what the director calls an, “underground world of the dinosaurs that was always there but nobody ever knew about.” I see. John Leguizamo does a sloth with a lisp who finds some T.Rex eggs and leads the gang into this historically inaccurate land. A woolly mammoth (voiced by Ray Romano) and his lady (voiced by an awesomely sassy Queen Latifah) are expecting a mini mammoth. Denis Leary lends his voice to a grumpy saber-toothed cat and Simon Pegg joins the ensemble cast as a weasel who was the only furry creature in dino-land. [Entertainment Weekly]
The Hitch: If you’ve got kids, you probably don’t have a choice but to grin and bear the 87-minute affront voiced mostly by comedians who aren’t very funny. Maybe I’m crazy, but why didn’t they make a new movie about dinosaurs instead of doing an era cross-over? I mean it looks like they kinda accurately portrayed the animals of the Jurassic era so why muddle it? Not that I don’t totally love sloths. Does anyone remember how awesome “Land Before Time” was? Let’s make that in 3-D and watch it instead, because if we’ve gotta make dinosaurs talk, why not make them sing too?