We all tell little white lies. The world would stop turning and erupt in bloodshed if we said what we really thought all the time. I have been thinking, however, that while I have to constantly change things up with women, I can keep on telling different guys the same altered-truths because their questions never change. Maybe women are more creative with our insecurities or our insecurities are more fluid and likely to change with time. Who knows why, ’tis an unsolved mystery, but until I find my channel my inner Agatha Christie, here are the top five things women tell men they don’t mind, but we really do.
- No Honey, We Don’t Care That You Are Prematurely Balding: Balding is genetic, and I am firmly opposed to holding someone’s physical attribute against them if it is something they have no control over. Still, balding is rarely considered super-sexy. Why hurt the guys feelings? It’s not like he is wishing his hair away or that he can regrow it by thinking really really hard.
- Of Course I Don’t Think Your Farting, Belching or Burping Is Disgusting: Ewww. Sorry for bringing this stinker up, but it is far too prevalent and offensive to the senses to ignore. We all have bodily reactions we wish weren’t so audible, but women seem to be better about not throwing a parade every time they let out a ripper.
- No One Is Going To Notice That I Am Way More Successful Than You: I actually don’t care if a guy makes less money or has a less prestigious job than I do. As long as he is doing whatever he does with integrity, I am happy. For some reason, however, guys seem to have difficulty dating a woman higher up on the job food chain. In college I dated this one guy who claimed to be a feminist but freaked out if I ever received higher grades and had a minor meltdown when I beat him on the rowing machine at the gym. In an ideal world men would be able to handle our successes with at least grace, if not pride. As we are not quite there yet, though The Frisky is working on it one male reader at a time, but it’s sometimes just easier to tell a guy that no one will notice a disparity.
- I Love Your Bachelor Pad Apartment, Really I Do: Oh yes, the leopard print rug and red satin sheets are really classy. Of course I wouldn’t replace any of your eight lazy boy chairs around the gorilla size flat screen should we ever move in together. I am not at all appalled that there is nothing in your fridge besides beer and moldy Chinese takeout. Obviously.
- What Makes You Think Your Friend Hit On Me When He Was Super Drunk?: I don’t always understand the bonds between men, but there does seem to be some strength to the ties that hold the whole “bro’s before ho’s” mantra together. Though I have yet to see guys do a “Sex and the City” style get together to chat about their love lives, I do get the distinct impression that hitting on another dude’s girl is as my ex once so eloquently put it “not cool, dude.” And yet, guys also “occasionally” drink too much and start getting all touchy feely. It’s kinda awkward when it’s your bf’s friend, especially if the guy was way too drunk to possibly remember the ass grabbing incident in the first place. If your boyfriend’s buddy constantly hits on you, that’s one thing. But if it was a one time sort of thing, best to pretend it never happened. It will only cause a keg of drama, or at least some very harsh “so not cool, dude.”