Vampires Are Yesterday’s News, Zombies Are The Hotties Of Tomorrow

The front page of the latest New York Times Style section is plastered with the faces of sexy vampires. Not that vampires are not the “it” sex symbols of the moment, but whenever the Times writes about something, that thing has inevitably jumped the shark. Not that I think the blood suckers from “Twilight” are going to be disappearing any time soon, but I think vampires have reached their zenith. I wish “True Blood” many more seasons of sex and sucking, but vampire culture is past its prime. The real question is, what is the next supernatural creature millions of girls will lust after? After a thorough and exhausting inventory of the non-human hotties out there, I bring you your next fantasy.

  • Wizards: Harry Potter is hardly new, and to be honest I think the whole wizard worshiping thing will only enjoy a brief spike of lust due to the upcoming movie release of “Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.” Still, when Harry Potter mania hits, it hits hard. Another bonus for the magical community: the Harry Potter kids are finally of age. We might have dreamed of Daniel Radcliffe before, but it just wasn’t OK to admit since he was just a wee lad. Swoon as much as you want for now, as I predict the wizard romance will amount to little more than a summer fling.
  • Werewolves: It’s almost as if the “Twilight” and “Harry Potter” peeps powwowed on scheduling release dates in order to feed our fickle fantasies. As the wizarding moon waxes and wanes in September, the movie “New Moon” rises above the stars. In a seamless transition, the Harry Potter hotties will fade into the twilight and give the werewolves their time to shine. I give the werewolves a few moons before they start to get long in the tooth. Hot though they are, hairballs are icky and claw marks on furniture are often unrepairable.
  • Zombies: The undead are eternally sexy, and maybe all we need is a Robert Pattinson type in an Herve Leger-esque zombie suit to resurrect the walking dead and make it the new of-the-moment arm candy. These post-mortems are inherently less erotic than other beautiful beasties that go bump in the night, but with the right actors and plot, I think this could happen. I know it’s a leap of faith, but have you ever lusted after a zombie? I think the freshness and thrill of a new supernatural crush will erase our unease with the wrapped bods.
  • Elves: Remember Orlando Bloom in the “Lord of The Rings” Trilogy? I know there aren’t any more movies of Middle Earth pointy eared babes in the works at the moment, but I have hope. There was waaaay too much fuss over the ethereal elves for Hollywood to ignore. I hope.