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Just Some Hilarious Stuff We Found On Craigslist

What would we do without Craigslist, the place where we find our homes, sell our unwanted Ikea furniture, hook up, or find jobs? Not to mention the endless hours of entertainment the site provides. We scoured the CL for you to find some posts that are hilarious, crazy, and sometimes offensive. After the jump, a guy who wants to take out a girl even though she maced him, horny Carpathians, clog-lovers, and more.A mace made in heaven:

Missed Connections: “To the girl who maced me on W. Broadway last night – m4w – 26 (SoHo)”
I was walking down W. Broadway last night near Canal st.around 11:30pm and we met eyes from across the street and I smiled and you smiled back so I ran across the street to INTRODUCE MYSELF!!! NOT TO ROB YOU!!! I can’t believe you MACED me before I could even say anything! I have to go to work now on NO SLEEP (due to my burning eyes) and I look like I spent the entire night trying to out smoke Amsterdam. I mean really? Was it necessary to F*****G MACE ME? I have no idea if you read CL stuff but I think you at least owe me dinner or something… I mean… you f*****g maced me!

Ladies, want to combat terrorism? Walk around naked:

Rants and Raves: “walk naked In America day (everywhere)”
Don’t forget next Saturday ! WALK NAKED IN AMERICA DAY
Don’t forget to mark your calendars. As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked. He must commit suicide if he does.. So next Saturday at 4 PM Eastern Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort. All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not Muslims and to demonstrate they think its okay to see nude women other than their wife and to show support for all American women. Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Muslim sentiment. The American government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity. God bless America !

For those who like the outdoorsy type, an mountain man to satisfy you:

Casual Encounters: “Angry Carpathian Wants To F*** You – m4w – 32 (Williamsburg)”
Brrrrrrrrg! I am ANGRY. I am Carpathian, from the mountains. I f*** good. I f*** long. I have long manhood and f*** you ANGRY with it! I am angry Carpathian, and bring with me mountain dog for you to pet beforehand, and after, but in between, I f*** you. F*** you good. like ANGRY Carpathian. Yah!!!!!!!!!! You will not regret get f****d by angry Carpathian. You tell your friends. Is good. Carpathian f*** you into permanent lather and make your week SING! Yaaaaaa! ANGRY Carpathian!

Forget stilettos, a man who’s crazy for clogs:

Men Seeking Women: “Do U Wear Clogs Around Town? – 34 (Boston area)”
Don’t ask me to explain it because I can’t really. I love women in clogs but the type that you see in the photo. I think women look adorable in them and I think I have a soft spot for the type of woman who would wear them….not everyone would. She’s a gentle, intelligent, naturally pretty woman with maybe a dusting of freckles. She works outside of mainstream I think and not so much a corporate person cause it’s just not her style. She enjoys children, has class and enjoys sleeping in on Sundays until it’s time for brunch at a bustling little bistro. Come say hello if you’re a clogwearer, ever wanted to be or have a friend who fits this description. Must have photo. I have green eyes, dark hair, devilish smile and the best phone voice ever.

The creepiest creep there ever was:

Missed Connections: “Daughter getting morning after pill at RiteAid – m4w”
Looking for the daughter half that was in Rite Aid with her mother (I assume) getting the morning after pill today in Finksburg. You had an amazing body and I would love to be the next reason you have to get another dose of said pill! Hit me up if you’re looking for another go round.

A missed connections who fancies himself a poet. Or just a guy on drugs:

Missed Connections: “it’s getting worse – m4w – 32 (circle of s**t )”
After the euphoria, the necessities, the new place (sought and found), then finally descends the reality. And comes a time when near and dear judge you to be fine again.
Thinking of you: a fine-tuned torture, glazed into every potential moment of the day. Fragments of you, of us, flickering, constantly, awakening me sometimes to the fact it’s been, an hour? Half an hour? A minute? And then more, and other ones: ones I had forgotten until now. They say what happens when the future ends, but this future is ending slowly. Too slowly. It’s putting off what comes next because what comes next is inexorably slow in coming: as always, patience. But patience is boring and time is running out, or at least it seems that way. Everybody is gone. And you sit. And seethe. And wait for this one too, to pass into the past.

Sleazy French guy wants l’amour:

Casual Encounters: “Language Lessons, Or Sex in French & English – m4w – 34 (Paris)”
— We should speak the language. What’s the point of living in Paris if we don’t? They say that falling in love is the best way to learn. This isn’t love. What is it then? Friendship. Sex. A chance to be dirty. A chance to play. Not lovemaking? No. I don’t like that word. Baise-moi. Embrasse-moi.….What other French do you know? Soixante-neuf.Your mouth is exceptionally eloquent when you are not speaking. You know what? You can shut up and suck. E-mail if you would like to join me in the language lab.

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