The Best Things In Life To Fake

I am not a huge fan of “keeping it real.” Real often sucks. Where does real usually leave me? For starters: pale, too broke to afford jewelry I really want, mousy mop-topped and sleep deprived. I am not suggesting we all become cookie-cutter Barbies and I am all for embracing what nature gave us, yet there are just a few guilty pleasures in life where the fake version is indeed better than the real deal.

  • Tans: Please please please tell me your tan is fake. Not to sermonize the evils of UVA and UVB rays, ahem ahem skin cancer and wrinkles, because you probably already know what’s what. I love a golden glow as much as the next gal, but real tans are bad for the bod and unless you are at exclusive private beach, chances are you are going to get some pretty funky tan lines. The market is awash with self tanners that do everything from moisturize, firm jiggly thighs and minimize the need for shaving. Next year there will probably be one the solves the crises in the Middle East. [$5.99, Nivea Body Sunkissed Firming Moisturizer,]
  • Pearls: Years ago my mom had lunch with some famous jeweler. He marveled and cooed over her glamorous strands, but being the classy lady that she is, she admitted they were fake. Sacre bleu! he exclaimed. Surely this could not be so. He practically ripped the plastic pearls off her and examined them with his expert eyes. He did everything from roll them in his fingers to bite them with his teeth. They are real pearls, he declared triumphantly…except they are not. Good fake pearls are practically impossible to distinguish from real ones and still retain the old world glamor look. Oh yeah, did I mention they are usually dirt cheap? I am not including a link because in order to find a pair that pass as real, you will really want to see and feel them for yourself.
  • Hair Color: Whether you believe in God or not, I think we can all agree on the fact that some one up there (or nature) did not always pick out the most flattering hair hues for our skin tone. Some women were destined to be blond, so if by some quirk of genetics they ended up with mousy brown hair, then why not fix that little mix up? There is no shame in correcting Mother Nature’s mistakes. If you wonder why I am not including a link to a DIY product, read Five Beauty Treatments You Shouldn’t Skimp On.
  • A Full Eight Hours Of Sleepy Time: If you can manage a full eight hours every nights, hats off to you. I don’t have a great excuse for not getting enough sleep, but I can never manage to leave a party early enough, put the book down or turn the TV off. As a result of my weakness of will, ta-da: under eye circles. Caffeine may perk you up for a few hours, but those dark droopy eye bags will be your constant companion the rest of the day. A decent concealer hides signs of sleep deprivation. A good concealer makes it look like you are refreshed after a good night’s sleep. A great concealer…people will ask you what fabulous beach did you just get back from. [$40, Yves Saint Laurent, Sephora]