Last night, my guy went to watch Megan Fox’s hot body, I mean, “Transformers 2.” One girlfriend wanted me to grab dinner and another wanted to see a movie.
But the only thing I wanted to do was eat half a bag of potato chips for dinner, flip through Women’s Health and paint my nails with a hot pink polish so bright it would blind a newborn.
So you know what? That’s what I did.
Kinda lame, I know. But I had a really great relationship with myself for those two years that I was single and last night reminded me there are some kinda lame things single women do that are actually really fun.
- Eating Potato Chips And Onion Dip For Dinner: The stereotype is that bachelors are the poor souls heating up their nightly TV dinners. But some bachelorettes don’t give a fig about cooking, either, and I was one of them. Eating a bag of Lays and homemade sour cream/onion soup dip for dinner was never something I was proud of. But I think I’d be even less proud if my horrified boyfriend bore witness.
- Getting A Back Massage From A Nail Salon: Hands down (pun intended), a partner massage always makes me coo more than some woman at the nail salon rubbing her thumbs underneath my shoulder blades. But massages from men often morph into sexytime, whereas at a nail salon, you just hand over $15 and go home.
- Jessica’s Bed, Party Of One: OK, pleasuring oneself isn’t actually lame at all. But I can recall a couple times way back when I was in the darkest thicket of my singledom when I’d bring myself to the big O … and then start crying. That, I assure you, WAS lame. I still masturbate now that I’m in a relationship and it’s refreshing to fire up the vibe and see I still have it in me!
- Anal-Retentively Scrubbing Soap Scum From The Tub: I have more than a few OCD tendencies regarding germs, like using separate towels for separate parts of my body and always washing my hands after touching certain items. Compared to my neuroses, my guy is downright lackadaisical when it comes to germs. But God, it’s hard. I assure you, nothing brought me more pleasure this week than spritzing Scrubbing Bubbles all over my tub and getting rid of the soap scum.
- Wearing Lingerie—Just For Me: This one is a toss-up, but I think I got more enjoyment from my sexiest underwear when I was single and I actually kept it on. Those pretty fabrics look so sad balled up on the floor!