What We Think Jon And Kate’s Announcement Will Be

By now, you’ve probably seen the promo for tonight’s “special episode” of “Jon & Kate Plus 8″ approximately 98 times. If you’re one who likes to jump to conclusions, you’re probably assuming that the big announcement the commercial teases is that Jon and Kate are getting divorced. But I’m not so convinced—they’ll probably drag out that drama for another eon or so. After the jump, my best guesses at what this big announcement could be:

  • Kate is pregnant! AGAIN!
  • Jon was actually born a woman and he’s the one who’s pregnant this time. Hey, it worked for Thomas Beattie.
  • They’re joining the Amish. After all, they do live in Pennsylvania.
  • No, they’re converting to Mormonism, so that Jon can bring new wife, Deanna Hummel, into the fold.
  • The sextuplets were actually fathered by bodyguard Steve Neild.
  • Jon and Kate are going to design a new line of kids clothes for Wal-Mart.
  • Madonna (or Angelina and Brad?) has offered to adopt one kid, and they’ve decided to go for it, hoping that it will reduce marital strain.
  • That they’ve won the Guinness World Record for the most consecutive tabloid covers procured by total nobodies.
  • That this whole web of cheating scandals is an extended April Fool’s Joke.