Three Stupid Studies That Waste Money

Three new studies have come out over the weekend that do anything but blow my mind. In fact, they annoy and perplex me. I’m all for research, but not when my tax dollars are funding what seems to be the accumulation of useless information. After the jump, three studies we could have done without.

  1. The first study revealed that those living close to fast food restaurants are more likely to be overweight or obese. Considering that a Big Mac boasts over 700 calories and 44 grams of fat, this is hardly a surprise. In fact, it’s just plain obvious. So why on earth are we wasting time and money to come up with conclusions we are already well aware of? We know fast food is unhealthy and we know that when people need to eat in a hurry, they gravitate towards what’s easiest to acquire. Let’s spend our money on coming up with ways to fight obesity, instead of reiterating its existence.
  2. Another study, conducted by the National Institutes of Health, dropped half a million bucks in attempts to answer the question: “Why don’t men like to wear condoms during sex?” Here’s an answer that’s free and accurate: putting them on ruins the mood, they make sex less pleasurable, and, most obvious, men don’t like suffocating their packages with rubber. ‘Nuff said.
  3. A third study came to the conclusion that there is a gene in certain individuals’ DNA that makes them more likely to join a gang. While this is semi-interesting, I’m not sure what the relevance is. Are we going to try to stop people with the MAOA gene (the one that supposedly encourages gang-joining) from reproducing? Are we going to check up on these people and send them to anti-gang support groups? Probably not. The leader of the study, Kevin Beaver, said that, “for the most part, people haven’t really thought of the biological or genetic underpinnings to gang membership.” Maybe that’s for good reason.

Let’s spend our money on research that has a point, or at least says something new.