Making The Walk Of Shame Less Shameful

We have all been there. At some point in your life, you’ll be forced to drag your sorry ass home in the harsh light of day. Whether you regret the dude or your laziness, you inevitably regret that you wore such a short sparkly mini with “do me” pumps. Tragically, it is a universally accepted fact that last night’s hot number is this morning’s hot tranny mess. While we at The Frisky will never judge your sexual exploits (we will likely share them!), we might judge your post facto fashion. Granted, you are never going to look as polished as Michelle Obama as you run from bush to bush in a doomed attempt to minimize sightings, but at least we can give you a few tips so grannies do no avert their eyes in moral indignation.

  • Borrow One Large Item of Clothing: If you spent the night, you are entitled to demand one article of clothing to cover whatever was most revealed last night. I doubt Emily Post would object to you politely asking your host to borrow a sweater to throw over a corset top or a pair of track pants to be exchanged for your miniskirt. The actual asking is potentially awkward, especially if you are asking a guy whose name doesn’t extend farther than “dude with the drool-worthy bod.” Buck up, you will be glad you did. You should return said item of clothing, but we won’t judge you if you “forget.”
  • Take Off The Bling: You wore sparkles and gems to get noticed, and if you are doing the walk of shame you probably succeeded. Congrats! Now onto your strategy for sneaking home undetected. Remove any item of clothing or jewelry that catches the light. The walk of shame is not the time to discover the similarities between the sun and the disco ball. The rocks and sequins will only draw attention to yourself, and until posh sparkly frocks are considered appropriate office wear, you will only be drawing attention to last nights adventures.
  • Do What You Can With Your Hair and Makeup: Undoubtedly, hair and makeup is the trickiest giveaway. If you crashed on a girlfriends floor you can easily ask her for some face wash, eye makeup remover, brush, hair elastic and styling tool of choice. If you spent the night with a guy…you are probably in trouble. Unless the dude is a major player or cross dresses routinely, you need to get creative. Remove last night’s makeup. Investigate and do an inventory of your resources. With a towel, water, soap and aggressive scrubbing you can work minor miracles. Just think of it as intense exfoliation. In lieu of a brush, use your fingers. Instead of a hair elastic, use floss as a ribbon. With a little outside of the box thinking you can look presentable if not quite bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.