Every now and again, you see an older man dressed impeccably and wonder where the hell he came from and if he’s even from the same species as your own dad. Because sometimes your dad looks good, but more often than not, he’s woefully misguided in sweater vests, sock/sandal combos and those hideously unattractive pleated from khakis that dads everywhere seem to love so much.
My mom’s a pretty classy lady, so she’s beaten a vague sense of style into my dad over the twenty two years they’ve been married. But even though he’s lived two decades under the watchful eye of clothing nazi, every other time I turn around he’s wearing all sorts of fleece and even the occasional Teva sandal. Enough is enough. There are certain things that we as daughters just shouldn’t have to put up with.
- I don’t even know why we have to say this, but socks and sandals are not an acceptable combination. Not ever. There’s a point in a man’s childhood when he should know better, but so many young men miss that point, carrying this terrible sartorial choice all the way through adulthood.
- We get it, dad, you’re the grill master. You can grill all different sorts of meat to slightly bloody perfection. Wow. If I read a plea for a kiss on your apron one more time, you’re getting a punch instead.
- Ah golfing, pastime of retired fathers the world over. It’s all well and good that you’ve got a weekend hobby, but the golf attire you choose to wear on and off the range is troublesome. Why the straw hat with silly sash when a Tiger Woods-ian baseball cap would do just fine? Why the argyle sweater vest when a plain polo would make us feel less sick to our stomachs?
- For the love of god, buy some flat front khakis. It’s hard to tell from the picture, but those beauties above have a whopping three pleats, a style popularized by misguided fathers everywhere. Notice how those pant legs look sort of like misshapen sacks and the svelta models seems a tad pear-shaped? You’re not imagining that.