• Relationships

Take An Alternate Dating Route From Michelle Obama, Says Blogger

Single women can learn a lot about dating from Michelle Obama, but one guy advises black women to take a different route than Michelle did, before another man passes them by. Most of his advice is logical. Some of it, I have to admit, I’m not ready to hear and probably never will be.The Advice That Gels With My Dating Perspective
Even though Barack and Michelle Obama represent the quintessential black couple, it’s unfair to compare every regular guy to the president. No man will ever be able to fill his living-legend shoes. And while we’re at it, let’s stop comparing Barack to regular black men. He may seem like the dedicated and doting husband, but he also had a playa past, which Michelle had to forgive. Swerdlick also says that women have to have something more to offer than a master’s degree and a flexible body. Now if only someone could tell me how to stop comparing guys to my ex and I’ll be set.

The Advice That Strikes A Nerve With My Dating Perspective
Swedlick writes that women should “stop looking at his checkbook and start updating [their] playbook.” While marrying for money is something that’s frowned upon, no woman should be so brain dead that she doesn’t take into account a man’s finances before dating him, especially if she wants to settle down. That would be like diving into an empty pool blindfolded. He also suggests that if a woman has a five-year plan to getting a three-karat engagement ring and a summer home on the beach, then she has to keep her true motives to herself or the guy will flee. Hmm, whatever happened to finding someone whose goals are similar to your own?

Like Swerdlick, my mother has advised me that I have to kiss a few frogs before I find my “prince.” Basically, women can’t brush off a potential mate because he has a few unattractive traits, likes, or hobbies. But no one should ever tell a woman she can fix up or change a man. If it were possible to make a guy do, say, and act in the ways we want him to, then we wouldn’t need any dating advice at all. I, for one, don’t want a project or a fixer-upper boyfriend. I want someone who will enrich my life, even when we disagree.

I realize I’ll probably get a lot of flack for what I’m about to say next. And I realize a lot of this probably has more to do with my issues than anything else, but here goes… Swerdlick says black women should start dating white, Asian, and Latino men because “black women hoping for a monopoly on black men have to realize that they’re like General Motors in a Toyota world — either develop your own hybrid technology or prepare to go out of business.” So basically, I have to start dating outside my race because I’m not up-to-date enough to compete with all the other women vying for the attention of black men? Well, that’s not going to happen because I’ve had way too many experiences with men of other races making assumptions about my sexual prowess because I’m black for me to trust their advances. Also, I still believe in the black family that consists of a black wife/mother with a black husband/father and know that some of my other beliefs would be in a head-on collision with an interracial relationship. This doesn’t mean I’ll judge anyone who has tried interracial dating or is considering it. It’s just not something I would do myself.

This advice from Swerdlick, like a lot of dating advice, isn’t one size fits all. But he does make some valid points amidst the bull. However, I caution against fully adopting his dating game plan because every game has a loser.

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