Tabloid Cheat Sheet: Britney’s Getting Married And The Twilight Stars Find Love

It’s Wednesday once again. Which means that the tabloids are out, and there are oh so many stories on newsstands about your favorite celebrities that will inevitably blow your mind. Then tomorrow, you will hear that half of said stories are totally made up. Which is really half the appeal of tabloids, isn’t it, the constant push and pull? So you don’t have to actually buy these rags and waste trees, we’ve rounded up the juiciest stories, after the jump.

Star Magazine says Britney Spears and her agent-turned-lovah, Jason Trawick are tying the knot. Britney has two failed marriages behind her, but while vacationing in the Bahamas last month, Jason supposedly proposed. As an insider says, “Jason held Britney for a long time and kissed her cheeks. They talked about their future for hours and didn’t go to sleep until after 3 a.m.! They just wanted to be alone together.” The wedding is reportedly scheduled for December, after Britney’s Circus tour ends. Apparently, Britney wants it to be a classy, fairytale wedding. [Star Magazine] — Um…what kind of insider is watching these two until three in the morning? Is “insider” code for “hiding in the closet”?
According to Life & Style Weekly, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are together. Finally. But already there are haters doubting it will last. A castmate allegedly said, “People are just so enamored with the connection that they portray on-screen. If they failed to do that in the second and third ones, I think we’d be in trouble…maybe they should just not be a couple until after the fourth movie, ‘Breaking Dawn.’ He pursued her so heavily—being a crazy romantic, proposing marriage and everything. Now that Rob’s with her, it’s just anticlimactic.” [Life & Style] — They’ve been dating for an alleged minute, can’t we just let them fall out of love naturally?
People Magazine has released their hottest bachelors list which includes Chris Pine (yes) and Robert Pattinson (YES!). But their #1 hottest bachelor is “Gossip Girl” star Chace Crawford. Perhaps he’s the only one they could get an actual interview with? Apparently the future “Footloose” star talks to his parents daily, goes on vacations with his little sister, and would never date a married woman. [People] — Isn’t 23 a little young to be the hottest bachelor?
The National Enquirer reported that before his fatal plane crash in 1999, John F. Kennedy Jr. was planning to divorce his wife Carolyn, and was planning to tell uncle Ted Kennedy when he arrived at his cousin’s wedding. Apparently, JFK Jr. went to marriage counseling but after three years, the marriage had gotten so bad that they slept in different beds. [National Enquirer] — I don’t know if divulging that information is particularly beneficial to anyone, can’t we just let sleeping dogs lie?