Liveblogging “The Bachelorette” For June 15th 2009

There are 10 dudes left, including three of my original picks — Jake The Pilot, Hottie Kiptyn, and Mark The Pizza Guy. Who will last past this round, in which Jillian takes the fellas to Whistler for a snow day? Find out, starting at 8 pm EST…7:52 To kill time before the episode begins, I’m scoping out my latest matches on OK Cupid. Slim to none pickin’s. Sigh.
8:03 I’m slightly distracted because I just signed up for Nerve Personals and the first person I see who looks vaguely cute is my old boss/friend. WEIRD. Anyway, how many of these dudes are going home this episode? Already callin’ it that Wes and Tanner P. and his gross foot fetish are going home. Aww Mike gets a one-on-one date. As sweet as he is, I don’t think he has much of a chance of getting a rose — he’s been getting off easy so far, but he’s too young and immature for Jillian.
8:11 No matter how good a time Jillian has with Mike, she won’t give him a rose because there doesn’t seem to be sexual chemistry and he’s just not manly enough for her.
8:16 Those are ginormous mugs of cocoa.
8:21 Fun, fun, fun — I don’t buy it. Jillian wants someone way more serious and less little-boyish than Michael. Date card alert! Everyone but…who?…is going on a group date in the snow. One-on-one goes to Jesse! One of my dark horse winners! Poor Reid. He really wanted it. Jillian wants Mike to ‘fess up about why he’s on the show — apparently, he went through a breakup eight months ago and hasn’t been on a date since. So….”The Bachelorette” is his rebound. Dude, Jillian, give him the boot. No, no, no. Will he get a rose? For some reason, I think so? Okay then, Jillian did not take my telepathic advice — Mike gets a rose. Sigh. He’s nice. But does anyone else see sexual chemistry?! I don’t.
8:34 Tanner is going to get the boot HANDS DOWN. A) I think he exaggerated the girlfriend business and B) I think she only kept him for this round because she wants answers. Robby gets the solo ride with Jillian on the snow mobile. I’m just not feelin’ the vibe with Robby. I don’t think she has romantic feelings for him. I think she’s totally thrown off by this whole “guys with girlfriends” rumor — and that some people may get to stick around longer than they should because of it.
8:39 Oh man, Tanner is getting CALLED OUT right now and he still won’t ‘fess up who has a girlfriend. I think he’s afraid of getting beat up by Cowboy Wes. Whether Wes has a girlfriend or not — but he does “have a new CD coming out!” he was careful to mention just now — he is obviously just using this for fame. Oh man, Jillian is falling for Wes’ schtick HOOK, LINE, and SINKER.
8:47 Jillian just had Kiptyn feel her butt. What? They just had a nice, steamy kiss. Totally think he is golden for the Top 4. Jillian has this weird attraction to Reid that I don’t understand. He’s cute, but he’s hardly hot. At least I don’t think so. Dude, Jillian is totalllllly digging for the info on who has a girlfriend. Uh oh, what is going on with Ed? Why so blue? Oh. He had a conference call. With his boss. Who is pressuring him to leave or something? Oh man, his boss is the ultimate c&%kblocker huh? Dude, if Ed gives up his job and Jillian sends him packing, that is soooo mean. Oh wait, he gets the rose — so…basically….she’s telling him she really likes him and wants him to stay. And apparently he can give it back or something? When he decides if he’s staying? Does that mean she gets to give it to her back up? Ugh, I hateeeeeee Pilot Jake now — that shirt, with the palm tree, is STUPID.
9:02 Am I partial to Jesse because he makes wine? Possibly. This is a pretty sweet date, flying over the snowcapped mountains. Now they’re on this glacier — what is there, really, to explore? Snow? And more snow? Actually this is pretty amazing for a date. All that untouched snow. Jillian manages to look really chic in snow gear. God, I hate/love her. Honestly, I think she is falling in love with, like, 6 of these guys at once. Jesse is hot. In my top four, for sure.
9:13 Jillian seems very very very sure that one of these guys has a girlfriend. There’s no way she’s going based off only what Tanner said — did the producers say something? She’s asking Jesse about his ex — I think Jillian wonders if he’s still holding a candle for her. Ahh, Jesse’s girlfriend was the GIRL BEFORE THE GIRLFRIEND. Since he’s broken up with her, he’s suddenly ready for commitment. Hmph. Jillian and I are in the same boat, kids wise. I’d like mine by 33 or 34 too. Sigh. Need to find a baby daddy first.
9:16 Apparently Jillian is more interested in moving to where her eventual pick is from than she is in having them move to Vancouver. She is really making it easy on these dudes. Jesse basically just told her she’s got a phone sex operator voice. A Canadian phone sex operator voice, OBVI. I am kind of getting the feeling that Ed is going to bail. Okay, HOT TUBBING. A word of advice for Jesse — shave that p**sy hair off your face ASAP. You are cute. That is nasty. End of story. Jesse and his pube face score a rose. Hooray!

NOTE: Regarding Nerve.com. So, the pluses are that there are WAY more hot dudes and by hot, I mean not barfy. The one con so far is that the pool is much bigger and I am fearful that I am not pretty enough to standout whereas on OK Cupid I was.

9:27 Ed is gonna p***y out! LATER ED. It coulda been you, bro. Ed thinks he’s letting his work people down, and by leaving he is only letting himself down. I would say this is selfless of him, except that I think he thinks there’s not a good enough chance that he’ll win in the end. Also, THE DUDE JUST SAID HE IS KEEPING HIS ROSE. Because no one else should get it. Ummmmm, what is going to do with it? Press it between the pages of his diary?! He kind of loses some points with me for keeping the rose. I mean, it should go to another dude. Does that mean she’s keeping one less guy? So Jillian keeps saying she threw everything away to be on this show, but what exactly did she throw away? Like, did she lose her job? I am confused.
9:34 SAD MUSIC. Wait, do you think that Ed was Jillian’s favorite? Crazy. You guys, how many people are going home? Why do I get the feeling Hateful Wes is sticking around? Ugh, he makes my skin crawl.
9:41 I think maybe Jillian was a lil’ in love with Ed. Ha, Chris just said she’s more emotional now than she was when things ended with Papa Bach. Well, duh. Papa Bach blew. Blah blah blah, Chris and Jillian are talking about the dudes and she’s blowing smoke, trying to throw us off who might get the boot. I STILL need to know how many people are getting rose tonight before I can make my guesses. ARE YOU KIDDING ME THAT ONLY ONE OF THEM IS GOING HOME?! How lonely for that dude!!! Also, HOW LONG IS THIS EFFING SEASON GOING TO BE? Two hour episodes, with only ONE going home?! UGH. Anyway. See you later Tanner P. This is sooooo anti-climactic.
9:53 Haha, “Jillian didn’t need a cocktail party to know who to send home tonight.” Ouch. Roses go to: Reid, Kiptyn (yayyyyyy!!!!), Robby, Pilot Jake, Tanner — WHAT THE F**K?!?!?!?! — and the last rose goes to…Wes. Ugh. Mark the Pizza Guy is going home. Okay, WTF?! I think Tanner must be the plant. HOW is he still there?!?!?! With the foot fetish? And the p**syness about telling “who” has the girlfriend? Either he’s being a p**sy or he’s a liar. Why is he still there?!

Ummm, coming up on “The Bachelorette,” one of the bachelors LOSES HIS BONER?!?!?! Seriously?!?!?! Also, does Wes really last until the Fantasy Suite Episode? Way to blow the secrecy ABC!!!!

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