The Five Worst Movies To Watch Together On Father’s Day (Or Any Other Family Holiday)

Celebrating holidays with a family movie night is a great American tradition. There’s basically no better way to spend time with family than to sit in a room, not talking or even looking at them. It really takes the pressure off. Yet, pick the wrong flick, and you may open a can of worms. If you’re contemplating movies to watch with the clan for Father’s Day (or any other future family holiday), you should be sure to blacklist the following…

  1. “Juno”: On your own, watching cute Ellen Page in this story of good morals makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside. With your dad in the room, he’ll likely be thinking, God, I hope Sally has never had an abortion, while you’ll become obsessed with thinking, Is he wondering whether I’ve ever had an abortion? If mom’s around, this can potentially turn into another safe sex talk or, depending on how old you are, a “when are we going to become grandparents?” talk. Both horribly awkward discussions when there’s an abortion clinic on the TV.
  2. “Father of the Bride, Parts I and II”: In Part I, Steve Martin goes insane when he realizes his daughter’s wedding will cost about 100 grand, while in Part II, his wife and daughter are preggers at the same time. This movie should probably come with a warning that it may cause premature heart attacks in men over 50. Just do dad a favor and go to Vegas, elope, and spare him from the nightmare of dealing with weddings, because he probably won’t want to go through the ordeal after watching Steve Martin do it.
  3. “Serial Mom”: In 1994, Kathleen Turner played this picture perfect housewife who also happened to become a serial killer, murdering anyone who offends her family. Not the greatest way to tell mom you love her and appreciate what she does for your family. Also, there’s a super awkies masturbation scene.
  4. “Cheaper by the Dozen”: Basically, stay away from Steve Martin movies. In this 2003 flick, Martin plays dad to 12 children. This is guaranteed to bring up talks or memories about how difficult you were as a kid, which will likely have you speed dialing your shrink from the next room within the hour.
  5. “Go!”: Many have forgotten about Katie Holmes’s 1994 flick, which sometimes deceptively ends up in the “Holiday Favorites” section of Blockbuster because it takes place during Christmas. Don’t let that fool you—the entire film is about twentysomethings trying to get a drug deal done. Dad will no doubt huff and puff (“Kids these days!”), while also secretly wondering if all those times he bailed you out from your overdrawn bank account weren’t because you were blowing cash on Ecstasy at raves.