An Open Letter To Dakota Fanning

So, we love you. The adoration campaign began way back when you played the Reese Witherspoon mini-me in “Sweet Home Alabama.” Now that you’re 15 and all growns up (by the way, the smile looks great—we know, the braces phase is never fun), we wanted to pass along a few bits of advice on how to survive the scene that is Young Hollywood. Mostly, it’s easy: See what Lindsay Lohan is up to? Do the exact opposite, always. Oh and a few more tips…

  • Dress your age. Remember when Miley Cyrus showed up to the Golden Globes dressed in a floor-length, ain’t-no-jokes-about-it Marchesa dress? And her mom threw on a sparkly mini? It was weird. It made me feel all awkward inside. (And Ache-y Break-y Dad’s flavor-saver and flat-ironed hair didn’t help things.) Nothing against the Marchesa, it was to die for, but it should have been worn by Mom, not Hannah Montana.
  • Stumbling out of clubs at 2 a.m. is not cute. Nothing good comes from a visit to clubland until closing time. It’s no secret that the paparazzi stake out the exit doors (even the “secret back door”) just to catch “unsuspecting” celebs looking totally blotto. Like my mother and father would always harp: Don’t put yourself in that situation to begin with. Oh, and a word on donning sunglasses at night: Corey Heart was never that cool.
  • You are never so in need of press that not eating is an OK thing. Sure, anorexia will sadly get you an US Weekly cover, but is that really the kind of media attention that’ll get you the part in the new Robert DeNiro film? Survey says….nope! I’m not saying you need to eat and be a healthy role model for all those girls out there your age, I’m saying eat because it’s the smart thing to do. Protruding hip bones aren’t chic.
  • Never stop smiling—a lot of young actresses get on the red carpet, put their feet just ‘so’ and throw a major pout on their face. What are they pouting about? Why are they sucking their adorably chubby cheeks in? Hey, Madonna allegedly pays boatloads of money to her plastic surgeon for cheeks that full. Embrace.
  • Air kisses!
    The Frisky