The Japanese Face Slimmer Leaves Us Speechless, Literally

If you want a thinner face or you are into Darth Vader chic, then I have the product for you. After mulling over the absurdity that is the Japanese Face Slimmer I understand the beauty process as follows: the mask smushes your face to slim it down. First, it melts the fat off your face by massaging your facial dermis—I have always thought there was a fine line between massaging and mauling. Then, the sweat produced from the poorly-ventilated mask combined with the sweat from your chubby cheeks acts as a sauna.

If you have the self-confidence to actually wear this face mask, then kudos to you. For the rest of us who lack egos of steel, a good (or even mediocre) bronzer can fake high cheekbones without the risk of permanently scarring your cat/boyfriend/neighbors, etc. [$32, Japanese Face Slimmer, Amazon]

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