Miracle Birth Control Gum

If you thought the blond Orbitz girl cornered the market on bizarre gum marketing, you clearly have not stumbled across the wonderful absurdity that is Miracle Birth Control Gum. I suppose it was only really a matter of time until someone figured out a way to sweeten breath while simultaneously preventing pregnancy. Though the product is specifically targeted for single gals in their 30’s, I doubt a married woman in her 50’s would suffer from any serious medical side effects. The label warns that weight gain may occur after chewing, but chewing burns calories, right? Problem solved. I won’t bother guessing about the potential dire consequences if a dude were to pop one of these mint flavored tablets between his smackers. If a guy is worrying about birth control, he has bigger problems. About eight pounds bigger.
I pray to anyone who will listen that you know this is a joke. Right? Just making sure.

This gum won’t stop you from producing a baby, but it will most certainly produce a laugh. For $1.25 it’s not even that much more expensive then your boringly packaged trident. [$1.25, BlueQ.com]