What Are Your “Rules” For Dating?
I recently got a call from my best friend’s 18-year-old brother: “Uh hey, Leo, uh, so I like have this date with a girl, and it’s kind of my first date. And, my sister says you know the rules.” Oh no.
Did I know the rules? I wasn’t sure, but I did my best to answer his questions like could he kiss her (yes), and did he have to pay (yes).
I have certainly dated a lot over the past two years, and until recently thought I was fairly proficient in the subject. After recently coming out of a romance that left me devastated, I’ve reluctantly started dating again, but found my skills have suffered. Especially when last week, I was astonished to find myself on an excellent first rendez-vous. I wanted to contact him after, but felt “the rules” weighing over me that said I wasn’t allowed to. But this is the modern age! Women should do what they want. What if this one time is an exception? Maybe he’s expecting you to get in touch…
The frustrating thing was feeling like I wanted to do whatever the hell I wanted, but having a hunch it wouldn’t end well. And at the same time, feeling like playing the game and keeping silent was just as frustrating, because it required passivity. I started to wonder what my rules really were, and if they were worth following. So, I asked some guys and girls about their dating protocols. They border on the traditional, but have given me some insight on how to proceed. Which is: DON’T.
Check out their answers, and leave your own advice in the comments below!
Do not call, text or email the guy for the first few dates. I think most of the time it defuses the intensity of the sexual chase.
If I really like a dude and desperately want to see him again, I’ll contact him within 2-3 days of our first date. I’ll write an email or text (depending on which mode of communication we gave each other). Realistically I feel like I should abide by the “wait for him to contact you first” or “give it another few days” mentality, but I never do. However, I never call. That’s too pushy.
I don’t call or text unless I am returning a message. Regardless of how modern day has changed things between sexes, hunting is as old as time.
If I like someone and had a good time, I will totally text them or email them that I had a nice time and would like to do it again. I will also ask dudes out, especially if they asked me out the first time. If a guy considers this as being “too forward,” then he’s a douche and not the one for me.
When a guy is interested in you, he’ll let you know. He won’t wait a predetermined number of days to call or text. It may be a little more accurate to say that if I did have a spectacular date, and he didn’t get in touch with me for several days, I’d KNOW that it likely had no long term potential, but I would probably accept another offer just for recreational purposes.
It is not the “responsibility” of the guy to get in touch, but you must let him. Men need to feel like they are in control of a situation.
Kiss early. If a girl rejects my first kiss, it probably just means “not now” not “not ever.” (Frisky Editors: Uh, really? We think rejecting any kiss is a flat out “not ever.”) I don’t feel the need to wait a certain number of days between contact or dates. I do whatever feels good. As the man, I assume that it is ALWAYS my job to initiate and plan the second date. That being said, any woman who has unique date ideas and her own social calendar is VERY attractive to me.
If I don’t text, it probably means I’m busy until I do. Or, after a few days, I’m not interested.
I have had successes and failures with both methods, waiting and calling the next day. General rule of thumb is to always wait at least one full day to let it sink in. Anything after three days spells trouble. In my opinion, the girl will start asking herself, “Why didn’t he call before?”
If a girl initiates contact before me, I’m usually intimidated because it forces me to consider what I think about the whole thing. (Frisky Editors: Typical male laziness! You can’t even create time to think about how you feel!) I would like more girls to do follow-ups, but it doesn’t quite work that way.
After a good first date I definitely thank the girl via text or email either while she’s on her way home or the following morning. If I don’t, it definitely means I’m not that into her. The second date is still the guy’s responsibility.