I have a little problem. I tend to obsess over why a guy suddenly pulls “the fade” or ends things just as they’re, seemingly, getting good. It’s one thing if the guy simply is not interested in pursuing anything further because of a lack of attraction, but what about the guy who does think I’m hot, awesome, and funny? (He did, didn’t he?) Where the hell does he go and why? According to a guy writer for Cosmopolitan, there are five reasons why guys dump women they’re “into.” I got a guy friend, whose opinion I trust, to give me his thoughts on each of them, lest I take them all incredibly seriously.1. The timing is off:
Women get serious when they meet the right man. Men get serious with whomever we happen to be dating when we’re finally ready to settle down.
I have this theory that men eventually settle down with the woman who happens to be around at the right time, not the right woman. I could be Angelina Jolie, but if the timing is off by even one month, he’s not going to be my Brad Pitt.
GUY FRIEND: Wrong, this is just not true. It’s like, really? You know you’ve found a great girl, but you’re going to ACTIVELY BREAK IT OFF because you’re kinda worried she’s jumping the gun? No. You didn’t like her enough to marry her. Deal with it.
2. He’s not finished playing the field:
Men are natural-born one-uppers. If there’s a possibility of upgrading what we already have for something better (that’ll make our friends drool), we say, bring it on! So we wind up always wondering if you’re really as good as it gets.
If this is true, holy depressing.
GUY FRIEND: To a certain degree this is true. But I feel like that train of thought only happens when you’re already doubting if what you have is what you want. Also worth keeping in mind: the only way to appreciate what you have is to consider it against what you don’t.
3. He’s fixated on the worst case scenario:
From the times you chastise us for leaving a wet towel on the bed to those nights you rip through a pint of fudge ripple without stopping to breathe, we file each incident in a mental folder labeled ‘Evidence She’ll Change for the Worse.’
Which apparently means that you might get fat, not want to have sex, and get all naggy.
GUY FRIEND: I could be wrong — I’m just one man — but in the litany of things I’ve heard friends use as an excuse not to like a woman, never has, ‘She’s probably going to be fat and naggy in 20 years’ come up. I don’t blame women for thinking guys are idiots when this is what gets printed in stories.
4. He’s in like, not in love:
Just because a guy likes you a lot isn’t a guarantee that it will evolve into love. And we’re surprisingly intuitive when it comes to figuring out a girl’s potential on this front.
GUY FRIEND: Probably the most “real” excuse there. Sometimes it just plays out that a woman you’re with doesn’t light the fire anymore. I’m sure it’s happened to women with guys, too. And you spend a lot of time making sure that’s true. That you’re not imagining something. And when you come to the realization that the relationship is not something you want to settle for, you try to find your way out.
5. He’s too into you:
Guys are protective of their emotions. Translation: We’re scared spitless of being hurt. So, if we start to feel like we’re getting into a situation where we’ll be destroyed if you dump us, we might launch a preemptive strike and yank the plug first.
ZOMG I could so totally buy into this. Should I?! Should I?!
GUY FRIEND: Just stop. Apparently from this piece, at any point a guy could leave you for: not loving you, not loving enough right now, not loving you in the hypothetical future, wanting to love other people, and loving you too much. This last one is the most inane. Stupid. Completely, utterly stupid.
So, according to this friend of mine, chances are these are probably not the reasons why that dude you thought you had a connection with is suddenly dumping you. Chances are you won’t ever know or understand his reasoning, and as I am trying to learn myself, maybe it shouldn’t matter. Because why do you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?