Ask The Astrosexologist: Fighting For The Top In A Polyamorous Relationship
Please help, I can’t tell who the true top in my relationship is! I’m an Aquarian woman (2/6/72, 3:51 pm, Providence, RI) who has been dating a Virgo man (9/11/66, 1:59 am, Concord, NH) for four months. He told me he loved me within a week of dating, and has not hidden the fact that he would love to get married. We slept together on the first date, even though he has only been with a couple of women and claims to be very against casual hookups (I admit to seducing him). We are both extremely kinky, and have great sexual chemistry.
My question involves which one of us is really the top. I’m an extremely dominant female, and he is very much the man’s man. While he seems to love his rightful place underneath me, sometimes he turns the tables on me out of the blue and pulls rank as the man of the house. I like both apparent sides to his personality coin, but I do worry that perhaps he’s allowing me to do things he doesn’t enjoy because he cares for me so much. I sense a hidden romantic under his tough exterior. I’m also already married to a woman, and although they have always known about each other (my wife and I are polyamorous), he does get jealous at times and I wonder if he will eventually push me to choose him or her. – Aroused Aquarian Darling, this is America. We all have the right to be a top or bottom at will! There are both sides of the fence that are rewarding and, depending on your mood, it’s best to switch things up, keep the surprises coming and know you have options. Sure, as a triple fixed sign — an Aquarius sun, Leo rising and Scorpio moon — you do like to have some definitive structure in regard to emotions, as it helps you process them. However, what positions you take in the sack don’t have to determine anything else in the relationship.
Since he is a Virgo sun and double Cancer (rising and moon), chances are he is trying to gauge your style — but with this combo of signs, it’s fine, as the thing that Virgos get off on is serving. As for Cancers, they swing between aggression and tenderness, rarely delving in–between. So, the fact that he goes from top to bottom is all an expression of his own mood and his own show of versatility. Love it for what it is and don’t read into it!
Of course, eventually, there is going to be a struggle for you. His signs don’t reveal someone that has sex without purpose. However, being that three very egotistical signs rule you, you knew this and are anticipating this battle. What you do, though, is up to you, and while this can heighten your sex life to new explosive levels of passion, possession, danger and excitement, realize that this guy is highly emotional. What you see isn’t always what you get, as he does not communicate in a linear way. Be sure of what you want and be considerate of everyone’s emotions.
Got a question for our Astrosexologist, Kiki T? Email [email protected] and be sure to include any astrological information about yourself and any other people involved in your query! For a quicker fix on mastering your man, read Kiki’s astral opus, “The Celestial Sexpot’s Handbook.” Plus, now you can follow Kiki T on Twitter for astrological updates, as they happen!