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Doin’ It With Dr. V: How To Predict The Size Of A Penis

Perverted, inquiring minds want to know: how deep can a man’s love go? While the vag is designed to accommodate the shape of whatever penis it gets poked with, guys, you can’t blame us for fantasizing about your phallus. Sure, we all know size is almost completely irrelevant when it comes to actually orgasming, especially since roughly 80% of women only get off with clitoral action. Frankly, we Frisky gals have certainly seen a range of shapes and sizes, and have never been discouraged. I swear, Dr. V is no size queen! I’ve had not-so-hot sex with men who didn’t know how to bank on their impressive endowments, and have had gigantic O’s from little dudes who’ve proven less can really be more. But still, for some reason, dicks are a big deal. So, here are some helpful hints on how you can size up a man while he’s still got his pants on.

  1. Index Finger Indicator: While I was taught to judge a man’s size by measuring the distance between his middle finger and mid-palm at summer camp, a Greek study published in the Journal of Urology proved the first finger has all the info we’re looking for. Guess it’s called a pointer for a reason.
  2. Such Great Heights: Don’t go wasting your time snooping around Foot Locker hoping to overhear a hottie ask for a size 13 pair of kicks. Sure, we’ve all heard big feet mean other big features, but it turns out height may be more of a factor. According to Discovery Canada, the taller the guy, the bigger his penis. Granted, tall dudes usually have big feet anyway.
  3. Large And In Charge: No one wants to bring a Bobby Bummer back to their bedroom. As it turns out, good self-esteem doesn’t just give a man confidence to unleash his finest moves; surveys have shown that men with good self-esteem also have a big peen. Unfortunately for the ladies of the USA, a 2002 study published in the Psychosomatics Journal found American college aged dudes are twice as likely to be upset about their size than their European bros. Even celebs can get down on their D’s. Worse yet, their sensitivities about their love stick can lead to other issues like depression, anxiety, and OCD.
  4. Loud And Proud: In 1999, researchers Siegfried and Roy Bogaert and Hershberger found that gay men have bigger, girthier penises than there hetero counterparts. So, not only do gay men get to ride stallions like Tom Ford, Neil Patrick Harris, and Zac Posen, they also get the other kind of prized members!

WARNING: Do Not…

  • Judge A Man Flacid: It’s true, some guys are growers, some guys are showers. The only kind of dick that matters is a hard one, right?
  • Fall For The Fat Optical Illusion: Oprah’s guru Dr. Oz, says for every 15 pounds a guy loses, he gains a half-inch on his dick. But nothing really changes. Just like a hamburger, there looks like there’s more meat if the buns are smaller.
  • Waste Your Dime: After puberty, a man’s got his full manhood Don’t waste your time with pumps, pills, and promises.

Hi, I’m Dr. V. I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily lead me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. And please, if you have a question, email me. You know I love to read your smut too!

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