Five Gems From Last Night’s “Real Housewives” Episode

Well, folks, it was a doozy last night! You wanted dirty dancing-style salsa lessons? You got it. You wanted extortion, kidnapping and “models” being arrested? It was your lucky night! You were feeling a little left out of the Chateau gossip? They gave you all the juicy details. So many moments of Jerz brilliance, so little space to opine—but here are a few of last night’s gems…

  1. Did you know? “Blood is thicker than wahta.” That sentiment or or some variation of that, i.e. “Family is always going to come first,” “It’s between Danielle and the family” was espoused often last night. Next episode, we are playing every time someone mentions a variation of the blood/wahta sentiment, everyone drinks. Preferably white wine out of tacky (and probably VERY pricey) crystal glasses. Now, “RAISE YOUR GLASS!”
  2. I don’t know about you, but Caroline’s kids have totally won me over. Lauren pretty much doing the running-man during salsa lessons? The “Cha-cha-cha la fish-lips” comment from Albie? We want more, we want more! (Also, I promised: chucky, chucky, chucky!)
  3. Someone’s name can be Alberto and, yes, Gia, he speaks English. Do I assume a girl named Gia only speaks I-tal? Negative. Also, the state of New Jersey is in the United-freaking-States-of-America—this country is one big pot o’ cheese and beer fondue. That’s the genius of it all.
  4. Danielle’s dating tip of the episode. There is no chasing down men who only make “25K a year.” But, it’s worth it to chase down a balding, 26-year-old, red-faced dude that doesn’t return your calls. Got it everyone?
  5. News! Greece is a developing nation. Per Dina: Water parks have diseases, there’s no running water, you will be peeing into a hole in the ground, terrorists “can get you,” and the amount of parasites in the water necessitates “wipes.” Oh, and Germany can give you Lyme disease. True story.

And, bonus! This wouldn’t be a RHoNJ post without mentioning THE BOOK. If you’d like to read it for yourself, check out Amazon—there are old issues on sale for just under $200. Seriously. And the second printing from ’96 is a bargain at $90. And, funny enough, listed right next to “Cop Without a Badge” is Bethenny’s NY Times best seller about getting skinny! (Me thinks it’s time to start a “Housewives” book club. Who’s in>?)