This Month In Lady Mags: Beyonce And Bikini Bodies

Not sure if you want to spend $3.99 on this month’s Vogue? Don’t worry, we’ve got Leonora Epstein, Frisky contributor and former lady mag slave, here to tell you exactly what’s up on the sex, love, and relationships front in each month’s crop of lady mags.

Bikini season is upon us, and this month is all about dropping pounds through detoxing and exercising all so you can look good in that suit (they’re filled with those, too). Beyoncé is everywhere, too…but then again, when isn’t she? Read on to see how we graded these issues.Self
GOOD: Looking to extend your distraction beyond reading Self? Check out the one-pager, “Live Better: Read a Blog”, which lists the editors’ favorite online destinations in categories of food, humor, money, and decor. The Beyoncé interview offers some weird (yet slightly fascinating) insight into the singer’s health regime which includes how she eats six meals a day, splurges once a week on pasta, and buys clothes a size too small to encourage herself to fit into them.
BAD: Things you don’t already know: One of the “20 Ways to Eat Healthier” is to ditch processed foods; the rest of Beyoncé’s “body secrets” involve setting goals (oooh, tricky!): “I look at it, and I’m like OK, I have to stay in shape.”

GOOD: This issue is all about summer, so why not read that “Best Suit For Your Body Type” article again this year and get some motivation from exercise instructions.
BAD: Model Marisa Miller is the cover girl…snore. And once again, that “Bikini Body Detox” that you think will solve all your problems is just a tip a day for two weeks like “eat slowly” and “eat olive oil.”

GOOD: A Catherine Deneuve-inspired fashion spread, photos of cute indie band guys throughout, and pictures of rock royalty coulple Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon’s home in Northampton, MA.
BAD: It’s the music issue, so unless you’re the musically-inclined type, you’ll find it difficult to grasp the sounds of bands you’ve never heard of just through words. Still, instead of reading, you can make a list of stuff to check out on iTunes.

Women’s Health
GOOD: A super-handy rundown on iPhone apps for weightloss including a pedometer and calorie counter and a fresh read about why women in Norway are extra healthy. Worth a buy for one article alone: “Why You Can’t Stop At One Cheese Fry” (I know! Why can’t I?), which talks about sneaky tactics restaurants use to get you to eat more.
BAD: Evangeline Lilly’s cover story is just another one of those, “girl who’s keeping it real stories.” As far as that “Bikini Ready Body”, all you’re going to hear about is drinking water and doing exercises that just make us tired to look at.

Marie Claire
GOOD: Beyoncé again! This time you get to see her posing in some hot bedazzled bodysuits, hear about touring, and suck up every tidbit about her marriage with Jay-Z, which you get the sense might just be one of those Hollywood matches that’s made to last. Awww.
BAD: A deceptively exciting coverline, “Exclusive pics! Ashley Olsen’s makeover” disappoints with a couple blurry photos of the twin getting a haircut adjacent to the editor’s letter.
GRADE: B (for Beyoncé)

GOOD: Anna Wintour once again infiltrates Washington, this time with a newsy profile of U.N. Ambassador Susan Rice, which reads more like a Time article by focusing on the substantial of working in government and fighting her “bully” image. At the end of the issue, a mouthwatering spread (“Brighten Up”) of colorful accessories like some bright orange Michael Kors booties and neon Proenza Schouler gloves.
BAD: You can just feel the awkwardness in Cameron Diaz’s interview, which strangely takes place in her car on a several hour roadtrip, and discusses at considerable length her superior driving skills. (On the other hand, this is kind of hilarious.) Later on, you’ll read about weird, futuristic ways to get skinnier that include fat-dissolving injections and weird sauna rooms, all of which tell you that you’re overweight and can’t afford to try any of the devices mentioned. The issue’s also supposedly is a “green” issue. Uh, guess I missed that.