The “Real Housewives” Empire: D. C. And Beverly Hills Added To The Roster

If you’ve been keeping up with the Manzos, you know that the “Real Housewives of New Jersey” are intensely amazing with their Botox parties and Mafioso undertones. Well, Bravo isn’t slowing down anytime soon (thank God). They’ve just announced the upcoming “Real Housewives of D.C.” which will feature political wives, philanthropic leaders, fashion sophisticates, and other power players. And last week Bravo started casting for “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.” That’s right, it’ll be like Orange County, only with bigger mansions and more celebrity run-ins. I bet Heidi Montag would be down!

Because we hope to see this brilliant show continue to flourish, here are ten other cities Bravo should consider for the Real Housewives franchises.

  • Real Housewives of Miami: Why, oh why, isn’t there a “Real Housewives of Miami” yet?! There are probably totally ridiculous women there wearing awesome sequined bikinis and riding around on giant yachts. Everything I know about Florida, I learned from the movie “Wild Things” so there’d probably be alligators and girls making out, too.
  • Real Housewives of Denver: This version would follow the wives of auto execs who are feeling the hit from the crumbling economy. We’d love to see a group of wives band together to host a bake sale to save their families from financial ruin and fund one last vacation to Aspen.
  • Real Housewives of Dubai: I’m dying to know what’s going on in Dubai. According to a census from 2006, there were approximately 1,073,000 men there and only 349,000 women, so statistically it wouldn’t be hard to track down the perfect cast. The right women would be the ones throwing money out of skyscrapers. Burkas optional, of course.
  • Real Housewives of Chicago: The women of Chicago would better educated and more down-to-earth Midwestern farmers’ daughters than the flamboyant money-grubbers of the show’s current incarnations. Hey, it takes a lot to get through those frigid winters. But there would be fur. Lots of fur.
  • Real Housewives of London: It might be hard to get drama out of proper British aristocrats, but if they throw in someone from a dodgy neighborhood who married rich perhaps we could get some persnicketing at high tea time in Harrods? Or maybe their husbands could work in Parliament and wear those wigs? They still wear those, right?
  • Real Housewives of Dallas: Texan women are so misunderstood, with their big hair, armadillo purses, and long Texas drawls. It might be fun to see how Bush’s homeland deals with a housewife invasion. Maybe Laura Bush can get up in there? It’s not like she’s doing anything these days.
  • Real Housewives of Paris: I think American women would enjoy hating on Parisian housewives for their whole French-women-don’t get-fat shtick. Finally, we could know their secrets about croissants, lingerie, smoking, and bitchiness. They have that stuff down to an art form.
  • Real Housewives of Tokyo: Wealthy Japanese women are amazing—they give their husbands allowances, collect crazy designer handbags, and rarely have more than one child. They’re probably shopping, vacationing at hot springs, hanging out at Hello Kitty theme parks, and going to host clubs to hit on hot Korean dudes with spiky hairdos. Sugoi!
  • Real Housewives of Montreal: Canada seems to be a more awesome version of America these days, with health care and milk in a bag. But there must be some awesome catty Canadian women somewhere, so we can learn about their culture and take shots every time they say “aboot.”
  • Real Housewives of Moscow: I don’t know anything about Russia, beyond vodka and caviar. Oh, and the fact that Russian models just appear out of nowhere every day…maybe it’s all those Omega 3s? There’s only one way to prevent communism—Russia has to prove their housewives spend money like we do.
  • Real Housewvies of Salt Lake City: Like “Big Love” only REAL. The New Jersey cast features three women from the same clan, but this season would keep it all in the family.