Quaint They Ain’t: Inside The Homes Of The Real Housewives Of New Jersey

The “Real Housewives of New Jersey” strike again—this time in the New York Times Styles section. NYT visited some of the ladies to talk about their homes (and by homes, we mean sprawling 10,000-plus-square-foot spreads). You really do get a great sense of the Jersey aesthetic—small and modest, these abodes are not—and learn a thing or two about Jerz interior design.

  • They are the Anti-christs of eco-living. Don’t try to tell us that all that onyx, granite and marble covering Teresa’s house is being mined a town over in Paramus. No, ma’am. All that rock has an evil carbon footprint.
  • In Garden State decorating, there’s no buying furniture piecemeal. Why would you when everything comes as part of a set—bedroom set, kitchen set, living-room set. And it’s all over-stained, faux-Chippendale, uber-Rococoed and drowning in upholstery. Antiques? Ha, no. All that dust—and why would you want someone else’s old furniture when there are bigger, shinier new reproductions out there to be had?
  • Big is where it’s at. Let’s be serious: A minimal Barcelona chair (or even a set of Barcelona chairs) would look wholly ridiculous floating around in a 4,000 square foot living room. Double staircases and giant chandeliers warrant some rather statuesque pieces of furniture.
  • Want a taste of the action? File into the kitchen. Every conversation Caroline has had with anyone (her sons, her daughter, her husband, Dina, etc.) has been in the confines of her kitchen. Where does Ashley get reamed out by Jacqueline about failing out of school? La cocina. When Dina tells her daughter to learn how to make her bed? Yup, it’s a convo they have in her kitchen.
  • At the end of the day, no one can begrudge these women for their love of their houses. Hey, We certainly get the fascination with wanting your home to reflect you.But do we aim to live in a house of 12,000-square-feet of marble? Not particularly. Different strokes, right?