Five Things I Learned From Last Night’s “Real Housewives Of New Jersey”
We took yet another trip down the Garden State Parkway last night with Caroline, Dina, Danielle, Teresa and Jacqueline—and although I think this episode was more of a precursor to next weeks Danielle bombshell, it served up the usual nutzo Jersey fare. Here are the five gems (as I see it) from last night’s hour:
- “Nether-regions” is so yesterday. Two amazing new terms for one’s bits, courtesy of Caroline’s wax-adverse daughter: Chuckies and pee-pees. From now on, I will include them in every new post. Chucky! Pee-pee! Chucky, chucky, chucky!
- You fail history and geometry, you get a new limited edition, fully-loaded car! I mean you’ve got to pull up to summer school in style, right?
- Watching people get Botox is more painful than getting it yourself. Did anyone else find that whole “spa party” scene creepy? You know what’s also creep-town? Dina’s hairless cat. And her rooster collection. And little girls making sexy-face at the camera—I don’t care if she’s wearing pigtails or not.
- Wine coolers! Gorgeous trendsetters that they are, the ladies are bringing it back Jerz style! Whether it’s Mike’s Hard Lemonade or old-school fruity concoctions, malted beverages are this summer’s new BBQ drink of choice. Don’t worry, they won’t give you a hangover. Yeah. Right.
- Without Danielle-drama this show would be about…well, not much. You can loathe the woman for the too-intense 26-year-old-balding-boyfriend convos, getting her face shot up with Botox, stripping, husband-stealing, whatever, at least the chick ain’t boring.