Shun, Shag, or Marry?: Johnny Depp, Colin Farell, And Jude Law Star In “Doctor Parnassus”

Terry Gilliam is an out there director—he’s the one behind “12 Monkeys” and “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.” His newest flick, “The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus,” premiered at Cannes on Friday. Heath Ledger was originally the star, and filming was about halfway done when…well, you know. Gilliam decided to rework the role so that Heath shares it with Johnny Depp, Colin Farrell, and Jude Law. Hello, hot back-ups!

“Imaginarium” involves a deal with a devil, which allows people to go through a magical mirror and explore their imaginations. Uh, strange? Obviously, we wish it could have been Heath the whole way through, but we figured we’d take a look at the three megastars who filled in at the last minute. And while it’s tempting to just throw all three of these guys in the “shag” column and walk away, here’s how we’d divide ‘em up…SHUN: Jude Law
Jude isn’t so good at the whole monogamy thing. Not only did he cheat on fiance Sienna Miller with the nanny, he supposedly got caught in bed with her by one of his kids. If that were not enough grounds for shunning, add in the every-widening widow’s peak and the fact that he inflicted Sienna Miller on the world in the first place.[Daily Mirror]

SHAG: Colin Farrell
Colin definitely has a bit of a past. He’s rumored to have been involved with Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Rosario Dawson, and Britney Spears, plus he says he was, “drunk for 16 years,” before checking into rehab. But that’s what makes this Irish hottie the perfect guy to take home for just one night. Especially since we saw what a generous lover he is in that sex tape that went public in 2006. [Huffington Post and Gawker]

MARRY: Johnny Depp
We’ve loved Johnny Depp since “21 Jump Street,” and our feelings have only grown from “Edward Scissorhands” to “Pirates of the Caribbean.” The former party animal’s tattoo may have originally read “Winona Forever,” but we wish it was dedicated to us. In the past few years, Johnny has become a real family man. Sure, he’s never put a ring on the finger of his lady, singer/model Vanessa Paradis, but they do have two kids together and are living a quiet and peaceful life in southern France. Oh, to be the Joon to his Benny.