TV Networks Announce Their Fall Lineups. We Have A Feeling We Won’t Be Leaving The House Much.

Ahhh, it’s the best time of year—flowers are blooming, spring is springing. Oh, and it’s “upfronts week,” when the networks unveil their shows for the fall in the hopes that advertisers will come clammering and waving dollar bills in their face. Oh, you thought you were going to have a life this fall? That’s sweet, but there are really far too many exciting new TV shows arriving. You’ll need to be prepared. Here is the show from each network we think sounds the most DVR-able.

  • The Network: ABC
    The Show: “Cougar Town”
    The Deal: In small town Florida, Courtney Cox is a recently divorced single mom who enters the world of dating again in a town where “over-tanned, under-dressed divorcées prowl for younger men.” [TheFutonCritic]
    The Equation: “Weeds” – Pot + Hot 20-Something Dudes = Awesome
    The Verdict: Courtney Cox killed it in “Dirt,” and we suspect she’ll bring it again here.
  • The Network: CW
    The Show: “The Beautiful Life”
    The Deal: Starring Mischa Barton, Elle Macpherson, and Sara Paxton, this one is about models living in New York City competing for supermodel status in the fashion food chain.
    The Equation: “America’s Next Top Model” – Reality + Acting = Addictive
    The Verdict: This show is produced by Ashton Kutcher, which bizarrely, is a great thing. (See: “Punk’d” and “Beauty and the Geek.”) And am I the only one really excited that Mischa Barton is back?
  • The Network: Fox
    The Show: “Glee”
    The Deal: A dreamy high school teacher decides to reinvent the school’s underdog glee club. Sounds a little cheesy, but we’re not the only people who went all gushy over Tuesday’s sneak preview.
    The Equation: “Dawson’s Creek” + “High School Musical” + A Night Of Karaoke = Our New Favorite Show
    The Verdict: As a former musical theater geek, I’m so openly psyched on “Glee,” I think my roommate might kill me for singing “Don’t Stop Believin'” for two days straight now.
  • The Network: NBC
    The Show: “Parenthood”
    The Deal: Based on the 1989 Ron Howard/Steve Martin flick, this one-hour dramedy stars Peter Krause of “Six Feet Under” and Maura Tierney of “ER” fame.
    The Equation: “Life Goes On” – Autism + Hillarity = Fun and Heartwarming
    The Verdict: If it embraces the same eccentric and awkwardly honest approach to suburban life, we’re gonna love it. Cause geez, was that a hilarious movie.
  • The Network: CBS
    The Show: “Accidentally On Purpose”
    The Deal: Jenna Elfman is a single newspaper film critic who “accidentally” gets knocked up after a one-night stand with much-younger-guy Jon Foster. Though she’s had an awful breakup with her boss, she decides to keep the baby and live with her boy toy platonically. [TheFutonCritic]
    The Equation: “Knocked Up” + “The Odd Couple” = Good Times
    The Verdict: Cougar pride! Boy, is this topic zeitgeisty.
  • The Network: TNT
    The Show: “Men of a Certain Age”
    The Deal: The series won’t premiere until December, but will star Ray Romano as one of three college buddies approaching mid-life.
    The Equation: “Everybody Loves Raymond” – Everything We Didn’t Love = Yay
    The Verdict: We hope this will be a wry look at male friendships. God knows we could use some insight into what they’re thinking.
  • The Network: USA
    The Show: “Royal Pains”
    The Deal: Mark Feuerstein is a young doctor who goes from having it all, to being dumped and blackballed from the medical community after a mistake in the ER. Thoroughly humbled, he crashes a beach party in the Hamptons and after helping a guest in need of medical attention, he becomes the on-call doctor for the rich and famous. [The Futon Critic]
    The Equation: A Pinch of “ER” + A Lot of “Grey’s Anatomy” + A Weekly Helping of Us Weekly = Hot!
    The Verdict: Sure, there are plenty of new medical dramas dropping this fall, but you’ve gotta love the addition of the rich and snotty.