Nine Pearls Of Wisdom I Learned From Bruno On Twitter

Sometimes the universe works in mysterious ways. It gives, it takes, and everything levels out somehow. For example, Courtney Love goes on Twitter. Then Ashton Kutcher. Then Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson. And we ask ourselves: Why are we reading this thing again?

Now, Bruno, Sacha Baron Cohen’s fashion reporter character from “Bruno,” which debuts July 10, has started tweeting. Suddenly, we can bear to read TweetDeck again.

A few of his tweets really aren’t printable on a blog our moms read. But ze rest are just brilliant …

  1. Red panda fur is not washable.”
  2. “Fashion is ze lifesavingest of all ze sciences. NOT 1 suicide bomber has ever blown zemselves up vearing Marc Jacobs.”
  3. “Tip of ze day – snack on Tampax. Just one heavy flow vill leave you feeling full up und looking fantastische for ze whole day!”
  4. Dr Phil is ze visest man on Earth. If only he vas single und didn’t look like a bear on chemo”
  5. “In terms of human tragedy, vhy aren’t high vaisted jeans getting ze attention Hurricane Katrina did?”
  6. Naomi Campbell inspires me – despite all ze pressure und fame of 25 yrs at ze top, she hasn’t changed a bit und has remained a total bitch”
  7. “Is it just bruno, or is zere more life on Mars zan on Nicole Kidman’s face?”
  8. “Ze ego of zese scientists who think zey can cure schweinflu zemselves. Vhy are zey not big enuff to just pick up ze phone und call Bono?”
  9. “Ze vorld ist zo screwed up – vhy do zey give out Nobel Prizes for physics, medicine und svimming, but not for fashion?”