Bravo isn’t stupid. When they hit on a show that works, there is little deviation from the original formula. On last night’s “Real Housewives of New Jersey,” the gals from Jersey proved they were serious housewife material. I found five similarities between the Garden State cast and those from the OC, Atlanta, and NYC, but, trust me, these women fit Bravo’s “Housewives”-bot mold perfectly. Here’s why …
- Mama-hen? Check! Gina. Jill. DeShawn. And now Carolyn. The newest incarnation is a scarier, “thick as thieves,” Sopranos version.
- They heart white wine. Be it Pinot Grigio or Chardonnay, the housewives love their white wines. Daytime outdoor lunch? Two glasses. Stood up by your phone-sex buddy? Six glasses. Kid’s carnival-themed backyard birthday party? I didn’t see any, but Danielle and Jacqueline were worried about having to watch out for uninvited “teenagers” sneaking booze, so I’m going with a score of five glasses. Who will take the white-guzzler title from Ramona? Stay tuned.
- Big, tacky homes. From Jill’s Brad-ified midtown apartment to DeShawn’s “Cribs”-like sprawling mansion to Gina’s newly “decorated” bedroom (that cost more than a house), the housewives don’t do modest. Taking the cake in the Garden State is Teresa and her gilded, rock-quarry McMansion. French chateau, indeed.
- The kids have bigger personalities than their parents. Just when I thought Johan and Francois took home the award(s) for most insane children, Teresa takes her three little girls shopping. I’m not sure if I was more alarmed by the constant screeching, “Mommy, I want this,” or that Teresa nonchalantly whipped out a stack of cash to pay the massive bill. I get it — cold-hard cash is how they roll — but, in all seriousness, she’s a walking target for every pick-pocket in the state.
- The gay sidekick. I could be wrong here—but is Dina’s new “personal assistant” gay? Or naively adorable? There’s a long, distinguished line of amazing gay men associated with the housewives: Brad, Dwight, Frankie. Could this non-maxi-pad fetching guy be the next?