Five Reasons The Jersey Crew Fits Right In With The Rest Of The Housewives

Bravo isn’t stupid. When they hit on a show that works, there is little deviation from the original formula. On last night’s “Real Housewives of New Jersey,” the gals from Jersey proved they were serious housewife material. I found five similarities between the Garden State cast and those from the OC, Atlanta, and NYC, but, trust me, these women fit Bravo’s “Housewives”-bot mold perfectly. Here’s why …

  1. Mama-hen? Check! Gina. Jill. DeShawn. And now Carolyn. The newest incarnation is a scarier, “thick as thieves,” Sopranos version.
  2. They heart white wine. Be it Pinot Grigio or Chardonnay, the housewives love their white wines. Daytime outdoor lunch? Two glasses. Stood up by your phone-sex buddy? Six glasses. Kid’s carnival-themed backyard birthday party? I didn’t see any, but Danielle and Jacqueline were worried about having to watch out for uninvited “teenagers” sneaking booze, so I’m going with a score of five glasses. Who will take the white-guzzler title from Ramona? Stay tuned.
  3. Big, tacky homes. From Jill’s Brad-ified midtown apartment to DeShawn’s “Cribs”-like sprawling mansion to Gina’s newly “decorated” bedroom (that cost more than a house), the housewives don’t do modest. Taking the cake in the Garden State is Teresa and her gilded, rock-quarry McMansion. French chateau, indeed.
  4. The kids have bigger personalities than their parents. Just when I thought Johan and Francois took home the award(s) for most insane children, Teresa takes her three little girls shopping. I’m not sure if I was more alarmed by the constant screeching, “Mommy, I want this,” or that Teresa nonchalantly whipped out a stack of cash to pay the massive bill. I get it — cold-hard cash is how they roll — but, in all seriousness, she’s a walking target for every pick-pocket in the state.
  5. The gay sidekick. I could be wrong here—but is Dina’s new “personal assistant” gay? Or naively adorable? There’s a long, distinguished line of amazing gay men associated with the housewives: Brad, Dwight, Frankie. Could this non-maxi-pad fetching guy be the next?