Mike Alvear wrote a two-part series on how to tell a man or a woman he or she is bad in bed. For dudes, he suggests they repeatedly ask their ladies what she likes in bed in hopes she’ll get the hint and ask what he likes. He also advises bringing up the conversation casually while ready the morning paper (not in bed and definitely not just after sex), and telling a woman what you want more of and not less of. For women, he makes the same suggestions, but advises them to have their conversation side-by-side and not face-to-face since, he says, men are intimidated by eye contact. His advice is OK, but it’s a little passive-aggressive. I get that it’s a fine line to tiptoe, but with a gentle touch a little constructive criticism never killed a guy. After the jump, five ways to let your guy know his “skills” leave a little to be desired.1. Tell him what you like
Forget about asking what he likes and hoping he gets the hint. There’ll be time to focus on his needs later. Right now, you need to let him know exactly what you like. Tell him when you’re naked/in bed/making out — whatever. Telling him over breakfast with the morning paper makes it seem like you’ve been thinking about it and waiting for the perfect time to broach the subject. Telling him when you’re getting physical seems like a natural extension of foreplay — a tamer kind of dirty talk. Saying: “I really like having neck gently kissed and sucked on” while you seductively run your forefinger along your throat down to your collarbone is hot. How’s a guy gonna take offense to that?
2. Show him what you like
Whenever you’re able, give him a demonstration of what you like by doing it to him or doing it to yourself while he watches. Using your lesson as part of foreplay will get a guy worked up in the best possible way.
3. Use “instead of” when giving directions
If you hate the way that he uses his tongue like a dagger in all the wrong places, say: “Instead of making your tongue hard, try making it soft when you kiss me there.” It’s not exactly the same as saying, “Don’t kiss me like that,” but it has the same effect without sounding critical.
4. Frame it as a game with “let’s try”
Hate the way that he jackhammers you? Say: “Let’s try slowing it down this time — I want to see if it feels any different.” It’s like a game, see? It’s not about what he’s doing wrong to you, it’s about the two of you trying something different for the hell of it. Sure, you already know it’s going to feel better, but for all he knows, you’ll be making this crazy new discovery together for the first time.
5. Give him a shout out
When he follows your directions, reward him with some verbal cues for a job well-done. Moaning, “yes”-ing, and even yelling his name out are the perfect yellow star for your pupil. Now don’t forget to ask what he wants …