• Relationships

Dating Amelia: My Last Bite Of Chicken Parm

“Tiggers should not date Eeyores,” DeVore said. “Tiggers can date Piglets, Piglets can date Pooh Bears, Pooh Bears can date Eeyores. Piglets and Roos can date, but Pooh Bears and Tiggers cannot.”

”The last few times we saw each other, we didn’t have sex. Considering we hadn’t seen much of each other, this was totally unacceptable. When we did see each other, we had fun — when we weren’t talking about the multitude of things that were making him feel “meh.” John DeVore referred to him as Eeyore.

“Tiggers should not date Eeyores,” DeVore advised. “Tiggers can date Piglets, Piglets can date Pooh Bears, Pooh Bears can date Eeyores. Piglets and Roos can date, but Pooh Bears and Tiggers cannot.”

“OH MY GOD, SO TRUE!” I exclaimed. Now where the f**k is my Piglet?

The other thing that ended it was sparking with someone else. Things with the Sneakerhead could end tomorrow – nothing surprises me these days – but the point is, I am sparking! Spark, spark, spark! With another person! Even as time distances me from my breakup, I wonder if I could meet someone to have that special bond with again. Sparks remind me that I can.

When I told Chick Parm that I thought we should just be friends, he responded, “I agree.”

You agree? That was too easy! It’s not that I expected a fight, but he had been such a limp noodle, such a wet blanket for the last few weeks, nay, months, that I thought he would be as mopey at the prospect of our oh-so-comfortable relationship changing. Wasn’t this supposed to be the moment when he had an epiphany and realized how insanely awesome I am? That I was kick ass? That he would never have a better roasted chicken with brussel sprouts in his life? But Simcha set me straight.

“Amelia,” she said. “He’s been along for the ride since the beginning. Why would you expect anything different?”

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