10 Wedding Vows I’m Making To The Public

For our July wedding, my fiancé and I have decided to write our own vows. Of all the wedding preparations, I’m pretty sure this aspect will the most challenging — with the exception of breaking the news to my heat-intolerant mother that the ceremony would be held outdoors at noon in the middle of summer — if only because it’s so personal. While sharing my thoughts in a public forum isn’t such a new thing for me, I’m not so used to reading those thoughts out loud to a group of close friends and family on a highly emotional day. I hope I don’t choke! The other day, as I was thinking about what vows I wanted to make as a wife, I started thinking about a different kind of vow — the kind I’d like to make to the public. So, after the jump, I bring you the 10 vows that I make to you, as I begin my life as a married woman.I vow to you, the public:

  1. I will never argue with my husband at restaurant, on a plane, in a store, at a party, or anywhere else in your company.
  2. When we have kids, I’ll push the stroller on the side of the sidewalk — giving you room to pass — and not straight down the middle like I own the whole thing because I have a baby.
  3. I will never refer to my husband as “hubby” or “hubs.”
  4. I will refrain from calling dinner out with my husband “Date Night.”
  5. I will never ask you to switch seats on a plane, bus, or whatever so I can sit next to my husband.
  6. I promise not to share a personal email address with my husband.
  7. I will only play matchmaker with my single friends who have actually expressed an interest in being matched up.
  8. I will to take the “P” out of PDA … unless I’m really drunk, in which case I can’t be held responsible for my behavior.
  9. I will only call my husband by my pet name for him (Fatso) in private.
  10. I will not let myself go*.

*Okay, so this is really more a vow to myself than to you, but if you had any idea how bad I could let myself go, you’d thank me for not going there.