• Guys

What Men Wear To Become Ex-Boyfriends

We spend most of our lives being preached at about the horrors of superficiality, about loving people for who they are, not what they look like. It all sounds so nice, but I’m sorry—there are certain fashion sins that are absolute deal breakers.

And it’s not just about how it looks. You’ve got to assume that any guy who consistently wears more hair gel than I do and pants so tight that even the most minute of details about his junk are very apparent has got deeper problems than bad clothes selection. (For the record, yeah, that guy happened.) ‘Cuz seriously, your man had better have some intense redeeming qualities if he’s 20-something and still fails to understand that no, socks do not go with flip flops.

Don’t believe that style matters when it comes to men? A handful of badly-dressed men have former girlfriends who will tell you otherwise…

“My high school boyfriend wore a silver dress shirt and white tux to prom. I had to pretend I liked it. I thought he looked really shady, especially since his mom lent us her bling-y car for the night.” —Lianna

“One ex (who was also shorter than me, which is a whole other issue) wore baggy pleated khakis, and brown Doc Martens. ALL.THE.TIME. Plus, he had little feet, so the entire outfit along with the vertical challenges he faced made him look like a puffy elf. The relationship lasted all of three months until I came to my senses…” —Jeanne

“My ex-boyfriend used to wear these horrific shoes that were kind of like Chinese grandpa sneakers. They had huge tongues and, for some reason, made his ass look huge. It was awful.” —Georgia

“My worst-dressed ex wore a poly short-sleeved shirt, button snaps (unbuttoned for maximum chest hair, of course) with black jeans and Tevas. It was shocking. Oh, and the jeans were cut-offs, by the way.” —Samantha

“Ugh! This guy David was totally stuck in the ’80s. He had this horrid two-toned balloon shaped leather jacket that hit at his waist. His sweaters were the worst, too. Think Bill Cosby color blocked.” —Lana

“My ex-boyfriend Josh wore mirrored wrap around sunglasses, a woman’s pea coat from Old Navy, and Skechers for the first few months of our relationship.” —Serena

“I had a boyfriend who was an over-the-top Glam Guy: open shirts, tight pants, long hair, and oh yeah, he wore makeup. I would take him to my bourgeois dinners with some of my uptight friends and the reaction was hilarious.” —Michelle

“I was very offended when I went on a date with a guy…and he showed up with a backpack on and an Elmo “Sesame Street” tee shirt!! He was dressed like a 12-year-old!” —Corey

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