Every year, lovebirds Heidi Klum and Seal renew their vows. Awww.
Yesterday, the happy couple chose a redneck wedding theme with pink lawn flamingos and an Elvis impersonator to perform the “I do’s.” Seal sported a Billy Ray Cyrus mullet, circa “Achy Breaky Heart,” with a plaid cut-off shirt. And Heidi looked cuter than a Little Debbie Swiss Roll slice served with a toothpick, all dressed up and preggers in her white lace gown and beaded cornrows. The dress code alone makes us wish we were invited so we could bust out our awesomest fashion items!
To honor those lowbrow babes who make cheap look rich, here are our top 10 recession-friendly faves.
- Frosted Pink Lipstick: Day or night, you’ll always look wet n’ wild. Plus, the frosted lipstick lasts the longest. You can eat a whole hoagie and that stuff will still be on.
- Nail Art: Fake nails with funky designs are a glamor must. Bonus points for blinging your tips out with rhinestones.
- Real Ripped Jeans: Authentically ripped jeans are better than the designer-distressed ones that people who are too
busywussy to mess them up themselves buy.
- Wife Beaters: Clearly, this fashion item needs a new name, but there ain’t nuthin’ wrong with lovin’ a tight, ribbed, nearly see-though tank top. They go with everything and totally camouflage a beer stain.
- Bleach Blond Hair With Dark Roots: High fashion, low maintenance.
- ’Staches: A hot man with a handle bar mustache makes a lady purr like an engine.
- Tan: Rednecks don’t have to pay per tanning bed session. They get relaxation and nice color for free. Yee-haw!
- Braids: Whether you do ‘em up French, in rows, in pigtails, or in fishtails, braiding your hair is an easy all-day hairdo. Just add your best Scrunchie or rubber band, and you’re good to go.
- Heavy Eyeliner: Because you’re mine, I pencil the line. And I lay it on reeeeeal thick, like a pickup line.
- Mullets: There, I said it. Multilayer locks looks friggin’ sweet. It’s a free wheelin’ architectural triumph for your hair—akin to the awesomeness that is a mobile home.
Photos: Drugstore.com, Sally Beauty, Hanes & Walgreens