Here She Comes, Miss Beautiful Morals

American beauty pageants are all about the long legs, shiny teeth and not saying anything too dense when asked, “How would you make the world a better place?” But at the Miss Beautiful Morals pageant in Saudi Arabia, there’s no swimsuit competition.

Instead, in that deeply Islamic country where women are covered from head to toe in long robes called abayas, contestants vie to see who is most obedient of her parents. A hundred girls ranging in age from 15 to 25 will compete for the Miss Beautiful Morals crown. The queen wins $2,600, and each runner up wins $1,300. The real prize, those involved in the pageant say, is strengthening their devotion to their families.“It’s an alternative to the calls for decadence in the other beauty contests that only take into account a woman’s body and looks, pageant founder Khadra al-Mubarak told the Daily Mail. “The winner won’t necessarily be pretty. We care about the beauty of the soul and the morals.”

The winner won’t necessarily be pretty? Holy Carrie Prejean! Miss Beautiful Morals will never be a train wreck like Miss USA’s infamous first runner-up, who pissed off Perez Hilton when she said that gays shouldn’t be allowed to marry. Then, it turned her boob job was paid for my pageant officials. And then there were the topless photos.

Unlike the Miss USA competition, where Carrie and pals strut around in high-heels and ball gowns, contestants for Miss Beautiful Morals will take 10 months of classes on subjects like “discovering your inner strength” and “the making of leaders.” The women will spend a weekend—no men allowed, so the women can take off their abayas—at a country house with their mothers, during which times judges will examine how devoted the girls are to their moms.

Not that we’re saying Carrie Prejean and her fake boobs are the better pageant alternative — because this “morality” pageant that rewards obeying your parents gives us the willies, too. A pageant where a 21-year-old gets plastic surgery to “get ahead” versus one that promotes not thinking for yourself and doing what mom and dad tell you to do are as alike as they are different. Can’t we cool it with the pageants everywhere, ladies? Who’s with me? [Daily Mail U.K.]