The 9th Annual Masturbate-a-Thon took place in San Francisco last weekend, and the competition was stiff! The event, sponsored by the Center for Sex & Culture, was founded in honor of surgeon general Jocelyn Elders who was fired after she suggested teens be taught masturbation as a means towards safe sex. Now, her work lives on in the form of an annual contest. This year’s winners packed some serious heat. A new US record was set by Mr. Flint Greasewood. His swimmers went the distance, shooting a whopping five feet. Two world records were set, as well. The Lusty Lady Theater beat the Women’s Tag Team, and Mr. Masanobu Sato broke his own masturbation world record at nine hours and 58 minutes. I know we don’t want a no minute man, but 10 hours?