Kirstie Alley was a hot mess on Oprah yesterday, dishing about her “humiliating” weight gain after she appeared on the show in 2006 in a bikini. She told Oprah that her weight started ballooning after she moved her gym equipment into her garage and turned the empty space into a dining room. Hmm … Maybe not the smartest move, Kirstie. When asked how she felt after seeing Valerie Bertinelli, Kirstie’s replacement as a Jenny Craig celebrity spokesperson, in a bikini on the cover of People a few weeks ago, Kirstie responded that she was inspired to lose weight and beat her. Oprah reminded her that being in shape isn’t a competition, and Kirstie replied: “That’s what people say when they’re gaining weight.” She also told Oprah that she has created her own weight loss program and has lost 20 pounds in the last five weeks. Opes was understandably skeptical and said, “Twenty pounds in five weeks? How did you do that?” To which Kirstie replied with a smirk, “I’ll tell you later.” Oprah, I’m sure, can’t wait to hear all about it. When Kirstie announced that she plans to be in ripped shape by November, just six months from now, Oprah looked her up and down and said she couldn’t let her make an announcement like that on national TV. “OK, fine,” Kirstie replied, “February, then.” (And, of course, you can follow her success on Twitter). So, there you have it, folks. Expect a major weight loss to coincide with the launch of Kirstie’s new magical program sometime early next year. Yo-yo dieting: it’s not a PR move, it’s a lifestyle.