For The Week Of April 27-May 3, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Random kinky ideas will hit your brain like bolts of lightening, daring you to take your slinky little self to the other side of paradise. Think of this as a one-way ticket to a level of fulfilling lust you’ve never quite attained before, as the struggle between your prim and proper side hasn’t allowed you this enticing of an invitation before.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Although sex shouldn’t be a weapon, this week it’s the only effective arsenal you’ll have to prove a point to your honey that he can’t always have his cake and eat it too. If this means closing down the candy shop until he learns how to behave, consider it a compromise you’re going to have to make; then break out your vibrator and call it a day.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

You’ll need to think strategically when it comes to dealing with your honey and his aggravating idiosyncrasies that waste your time and much of his. While he won’t respond well to the tyrannical side of you that’ll be raging this week, be ready to burn that excess energy of yours in other ways before laying down the law in a fresh and fun way to that big confused baby of yours.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Fate will be frustrating you with tossing hotties to you that aren’t as bright as you’d wish. Although you’ll want to reason with yourself that perhaps it’ll take time to uncover their inner Einstein, you’ll know deep down that what you hear is really what they get. So, take this cue and realize screwing without talking is your best bet to get off this week.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Having to prove you’re some crazy party animal isn’t the way to go when it comes to sealing the deal with that special someone. After all, when you’re done playing this charade, what are you going to be left with? Having to clean up a lie, live up to a imaginary standards or being stuck with regret? Realize the truth is your best defense and your hottest come on too.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Sure, your standards have come from long hard experiences that made you who you are. However, there are always exceptions to the rule and when those moments come, you’re just going to have to act fast and hop on the ride. This week, don’t be left behind because the picture you see isn’t as perfect as you’d wish it to be.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can give you a fast thrill and a boost of confidence when you need it — like this week, as all the answers you’re waiting for slow to a screeching halt and leave you anxious and in doubt. Go ahead, throw money at the problem and call it a day. If anything, buying a new standard will be an answer you’ll be able to rely on.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Trying new ways of reaching out for love is on your agenda this week. If this means accepting a blind date or posting that online profile, just get in touch with that pioneering spirit of yours and do it. While it might not give you instant gratification, it’ll at least put you in line for stirring up the love energy around you and for now, that is a success onto itself.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

They’ll be a feeling of urgency in your pants that won’t be the most cautious. However, getting put up against a fence and having to decide between practicality and little danger is hot onto itself and no matter how dreadful the circumstances, isn’t a little adventure worth the trade off? If anything, it’s a scandalous page for the memoirs.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Here you go again, revisiting a situation that started up a few weeks ago with a friendly acquaintance. This time around though, things won’t be as sketchy as they were and if you play your cards right and communicate your thoughts, without any game playing tactics, this could put you on a whole new level with that certain someone.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Your heart will be telling you one thing, while the circumstances will be telling you another. No, this won’t be the easiest week for you to decipher what the hell is happening in your love life, but you can be thankful for one thing — your friends. They’ll be with you through this mess, so remember to be grateful and don’t kick a gift horse in the mouth.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

All the bumping and grinding you’ll be up to this week won’t be leaving you with too much motivation for much else, if it were up to you — but this is when you’re going to have to get in touch with your more disciplined side to turn it out — as in being able to spot a major career opportunity and using your wandering eye for more than just a good time.