The “Craigslist Killer” and Other Reasons To Fear Preppies

Police have arrested the alleged “Craigslist Killer,” who terrorized at least two women in Boston in the last 10 days, leaving one of them dead. This computer-age Jack the Ripper suspect is 23-year-old Philip Markoff, a second-year med student at Boston University. The clean-cut creepster is accused of trolling for “massages” via the interweb, then tying up said masseuses and torturing them in fancy hotels. [AP via Yahoo!]The cops think Markoff assaulted and shot 26-year-old Julissa Brisman because she resisted being restrained with zip-ties. So incredibly sad.

He is (we wish we could say was, but his fiance is sticking by him) engaged to be married this summer in a storybook wedding to his college sweetheart. He’s a fresh-scrubbed, blondish everyboy, the kind of kid neighbors described as “smart … clean, a good-looking guy.” As the D.A. in the case has said, “He probably thought he was going to get away with it. He thought he was too smart for us.”

It goes to show you can never judge a boy by his chinos. Here are a few other nice-looking young gents you shouldn’t take home to Mom.

  • Robert Chambers. Long before the “Craigslist Killer” stalked Boston women, the Upper East Side bad-boy became notorious as the “Preppy Killer”. In 1986, Chambers strangled Jennifer Levin during “rough sex” in Central Park. As if the crime wasn’t brutal enough, he made a video in which he twisted the head off a Barbie doll and said: “Oops, I think I killed her.” [NY Times] — Did the starch in all those pressed Oxford shirts seep into his brain to make him criminally insane? Or was he just born violent?
  • Patrick Bateman. The hero of Bret Easton Ellis’ American Psycho is an investment banker with a fetish for designer clothes, fine dining, and chopping up women with an axe. Batemen, played by Christian Bale, was another prepster-slash-creepster with a rage problem. [Rolling Stone] — Let’s hope today’s disgruntled Wall Streeters use their powers for good, not evil.
  • Rob Lowe. Hollywood’s favorite preppie icon, from “St. Elmo’s Fire” to “The West Wing,” earned his pinstripes by giving birth to the thriving celebrity sex tape industry when he was taped in a threesome that included a 16-year-old. At the 1988 Democratic Convention, no less. [People] — So this whole “playing politicians” thing is a big kinkfest for Robbie?
  • Ted Bundy. Bundy studied psychology in college, worked for the Republican Party in his 20s, and grew up with the most country club name possible—Theodore Robert Cowell. Not only did he look normal, most people would have said he was downright cute. Uh, so, so wrong. He confessed to murdering more than 30 women, though experts think it might have been more like 100, and was executed in 1989. [Wikipedia] — Words can not even sum up the most notorious creepster in American history.

What is up with dudes who dress repressed but have all these out-there sex needs? If we donate copies of The Kama Sutra to prep schools across America, will the Philip Markoffs of tomorrow be lovers, not fighters?