“Laguna Beach” begot “The Hills” which begot “The City” and Brody Jenner’s “Bromance.” What’s left? Audrina Patridge is leaving the cast of “The Hills” to star in her own spin-off series, produced by “Survivor” exec producer Mark Burnett, because apparently there weren’t enough bastard TV shows already. What’ll they call this one? “The Valley?” “The Vapid?” After the jump, we imagine the new show.
- Weasling In: Audrina made it into “The Hills” cast when Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag moved into her Hollywood building in 2006. [MTV News] — There must be some other show that Audrina can squirm her way onto instead of getting an entirely new one? Let’s move “Jon and Kate Plus 8″ into her house and make her babysit! Is someone writing that idea down?
- Burning Feeling: Patridge says this show “is my life after ‘The Hills.’ My journey. It’s going to be a little spicier, edgier, older.” [Celebuzz] — Droopy eyed ‘Drina said “spicier,” which is code for “naked-er.” Maybe she can “accidentally” release some more nude pics like the ones she did on spec for Playboy after high school?
- Patridge Family: The spin-off will depict Audrina’s “career pursuits,” paparazzi interactions, and how she stays “grounded” with her fam. [Digital Spy] — Which is cool, because we really dug her sister’s cameos last season. Mainly because of her full sleeve tattoos.
- Baby Phat: Audrina denies rumors that she’s gotten plastic surgery, insisting that she’s “just losing my baby fat, everyone grows up and changes.” [US Magazine] — Audrina, darling, it’s not a big deal! Everyone’s getting work done. Maybe you and Heidi can get full-on face transplants? This is supposed to be the future of reality TV, girl. Run with it!
- Starry Eyed: This month, Audrina’s first film goes straight to DVD: “Into the Blue 2: The Reef.” Her horror movie remake “Sorority Row” will be out in theaters next October. So we get to watch her flopping movie career as it happens? Boooring. At least Heidi and Spencer have apes**t crazy stuff going on. Maybe Audrina can take up Scientology and fight about God with Speidi?
- Love Bug: Audrina won’t tell anyone whether her sometimes boyfriend Justin Bobby will be on the show, but hints that he’s donzo. “There’s going to be new love, romances,” she says. Apparently, we’ll have to actually watch “The Hills” to find out. [New York Magazine] — In the new show, we hope Audrina will (fingers crossed) start dating Pauly Shore. They can make straight to DVD movies together with names like “Bio-Domes” and “In the Swarmy Now.” It’ll be great!