Doin’ It With Dr. V: How To Put A Condom On With Your Mouth

Hi, I’m Dr. V. I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started…

Last week, I got down on my knees and begged! And not for the usual reason — I was just pleading with you, in honor of STD Awareness Month, to always use a condom. It’s saved my ass in more ways than one, that’s for sure! Now, a lot of people think condoms aren’t sexy because it makes the passion take a time out. Well, that is just not true, girl! Putting on a prophylactic can be a smooth move that your man will ask you to do over and over again. That is, if you stick it to him using nothing but your mouth! Here’s how you can slide a condom on him with nothing but a smile.

  • The Package: First things first, use an non-lubricated condom. We’ll get wet later, hot stuff! And although your dentist probably wouldn’t recommend using your teeth to tear the package open, it’s pretty hot. Just use your fingers to keep the condom out of your mouth’s reach and carefully take it out of the wrapper. If you break the condom, it’s useless. So, if you think you felt it get caught it in your teeth, start over!
  • Just The Tip: With your mouth slightly open, place the condom in front of your teeth and put the tip of your tongue right at the tip of the condom. Hold the base of his banana to keep him excited and to steady yourself. Then open wider to take his head in the condom in your mouth. It’s important that there isn’t an air bubble at the top. So, just like anything else sexy you’re plannin’ on doin’ with your tongue, you gotta apply the right amount of pressure as you go down. This is the trickiest part! Sometimes I ask the dude to get the condom started, and then I finish it off….
  • Under Cover: Now, still holding his stick shift, open ‘er up and drive that condom all the way down to the base of his shaft. Beware of your teeth’s sharp curves. If you poke a hole or snag a tooth, you’ve got to do it all over again. Go as far with your mouth as your can — check out “Deep Throat Tips From A Sword Swallower” for some extra skills. But no matter how long you can go, just use your hands to make sure the condom has gone all the way and is ready to ride!
  • Lube Job: Before you take him for a spin, turn his schlong into a slip-and-slide by squeezing some lube on! A little lube can go a long way, if you know what I mean.

Hey, putting on a condom is a tough job, but somebody’s got to do it. So congratulations! Now that you put safety first, and made it oh so seductive, you deserve a reward. And by reward I mean carefree, hot sex!