Yesterday, a breaking news item of epic importance tore its way across the blogosphere. Mary Rambin, the blond, bebobbed, bubbly third portion of the NonSociety crew, was leaving the fold. After we picked ourselves up off the floor, wiped away our tears, and told ourselves everything really would be OK if we just prayed a lot, we started wondering who would be fit to replace the Rambin. It’s hard to imagine someone else filling her overpriced shoes, and be as devoted to live blogging their colon cleansings with such vim, such vigor. But we persevered. After the jump, the top 10 contenders for who should replace Mary on NonSociety, even though she can never be replaced in our hearts.Karl Rove: Coffee klatch ‘n’ politix!
Olive Riley: The “world’s oldest blogger” would no doubt bring some diversity to this mentally tweenish trio. Ooops. Wait. She’s dead. Never mind.
Alex Balk: “Intervention” meets “Gossip Girl” = awesome.
One of these three cats in boxes: I’m not sure which one. Maybe the one on the right. He looks open to the possibilities before him.
Diddy: Since most of the time NonSociety is as exciting as a pack of sleeping zombies, why not spice things up a bit? Diddy would spread some real street-level ghettofabulousness across the NonSociety sphere, and maybe even hookup with one of the girls, resulting in a Diddy lovechild, a story Allison could plant in Page Six. That would be awesome, wouldn’t it? They could call it Jiddy.
Megan Carpentier: Like the prom scene in “Carrie” is how that would play out.
Sasha Grey: “On today’s show, Meghan reveals the latest iPhone apps, Julia recounts last night’s date-gone-wrong, and Sasha discusses the influence Godard had on her performance in ‘Grand Theft Anal 11.’”
The Sarah Palin Love Doll: Chatty? No. Busty? Yes. Check the box marked “must reach male demographic if we’re ever going to generate revenue.”
Meghan McCain: Trust me, this one’s a no-brainer. After all, Meghan has no brain! She’ll fit right in. Too bad the other ladies will get jealous of Mini-McCain’s blockbuster book deal, and TP her bed. Hopefully, they’ll “lifecast” it.
Mary Rambin: It was all another one of NonSociety’s PR stunts gone wrong. In three months time, Mary returns to the fold, having given up her dream of becoming a “portal to a world of opinions and life experiences.” We weep, joyfully.