Liveblogging “America’s Next Top Model”

I’m back bitches. Tonight, starting at 8 pm EST on the nose, TyTy continues to terrorize this season’s crop of wannabe models with her fierceness and I will be there to point and laugh.7:54 Hot damn, Clay Aiken is the guest judge this episode. Color me gay rainbow excited! WHO! Will be eliminated tonight?! Have you ever noticed how Tyra always adds an exclamation point to the end of the “who?”
8:04 See! Models DO eat! Um, Natalie needs to get slapped. “Sorry I’m from a nice neighborhood and you’re not?” Somebody slap that chick up her wack ass head please. Haha, I hope for their shoot they have to shoot romantic scenes with Clay Aiken. Or interpret Clay Aiken songs with their poses.
8:08 Ahh yes, the acting challenge. Because models need to be able to act. Like Tyra! Oh wait. Wow. Paulina is a great actress. It is so good that she is leading this challenge by example. Oh hell yes, London is totally the model this challenge who thinks she’s got the goods — in her case, because she comes from a family of actors — which automatically means she is going to lose, but the over confident girl never wins because “Top Model” only likes a marginal amount of confidence.
8:16 I hope the Humph wins this challenge. I bet she has the most chemistry with the Gaykin! I’m sorry, why are these women screaming like little teenagers? Clay can actually kind of act. I mean, he is in “Spamalot.” So far, the Humph is my fave. Tahlia sucks balls as usual. Is she going to cry about wanting to go home soon? And Celia thinks she is Glenn Close. London won, and scored a bunch of jeans, which apparently are too tight on her because she is FAT FAT FAT. And by fat, I mean a size four. Ugh, whatever.
8:21 I’m just gonna say it — I never wanted McKey to win. Oh yeah, it’s the teleprompter challenge — the best part of this challenge is that we get to see which models can read and which can’t! So Natalie is officially a borderline racist c**t. The first group — the Humph’s group — was doing well at first. Celia looks old with that severe makeup and hair. Oh poor Humph, she’s totally bombing her end of the deal, although she looks really pretty.
8:30 The second group did okay. Tahlia, as usual, lacked confidence. Okay, I am over this being the weekly theme. Also, this season is boring me.
8:38 They need 20 minutes for judging? Is s**t gonna go down? First up is Celia, in a very pretty dress. Celia’s commercial is pretty awesome, I think. The judges like it too. The next girl looks evil in her commercial. Yay! The Humph is next. Um, Miss J is calling her out for wearing the same dress twice. Um, seriously guys? Recession, hello. I think The Humph’s commercial is fine. Very natural. Leave her be! TyTy did not like the commercial, but she thought she looked pretty.
8:43 Amina’s commercial is meh. The judges thought Tiana was better in Amina’s commercial than Amina. Also, I still don’t have any of these girls’ names memorized which just proves how bored I am. London is next. London knows her lines, but she’s lookin’ chubs and the judges hate her delivery — Tyra thinks she sounds “hard.” Oh god, and the camera just zoomed in on her thighs. Way to go, a**hole cameraman. Evil Natalie’s commercial is upstaged by London, of all people. Tyra thinks Natalie looks pretty but that she’s not memorable and Miss Jay thinks she’s stiff.
8:46 Fo stumbles a lot on her lines and get lost in the background. And now Tahlia upstaged Fo. But will Tahlia suck in her commercial? Let’s hope, because I’m sick of her woe is me act. HAHA, Fo was better than Tahlia in Tahlia’s commercial. They’re both better in the background. Nigel thinks Tahlia looks mean and Miss Jay thinks she looks old. But I think TyTy is obsessed with Tahlia. I think they’ll keep her AGAIN. Um rad, Heather — the Autism chick from a few seasons ago — is balancing modeling with video game art studies. I repeat. RAD.
8:50 So, my bottom two predictions: London and Natalie or London and Tahlia or Tahlia and Natalie. Clearly, I’m not sure, haha. Celia is going to have the photo of the week, which I’m sure Tyra is mad about, since she HATES her. Clay thinks Tahlia has horrible self esteem. Maybe they’ll try and scare her again by putting her in the bottom two?
8:54 SAFE: Celia (winner), Natalie (say what?!), Tiana, Fo, London (okay, I am wrong about two so far!), Amina, (I AM STARTING TO WORRY ABOUT THE HUMPH!!!),. Tahlia and The Humph are in the bottom two. This is terrible. If my fave goes home instead of my least fave, I will be sad. Ugh, Tyra is obsessed with Tahlia. The camera loves her, but does she love the camera? WHO STAYS?! THE HUMPH!!!!!! HOORAY!!!! My faith in The Goddess Of Fierce is back. Until next week, bitches!

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