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Lindsay Lohan Teaches Us How Not To Break Up

Lindsay Lohan is messier than eating a burrito in the back of a school bus. She just can’t keep it together! She’s been chasing SamRo around town, allegedly stalking her beat makin’ bro Mark, tried to crash her twin sister Charlotte’s fashion party, and now the fam is considering filing a restraining order. Seriously, stick a fork in these love birds because they’re done cooking! But from loss comes lessons — here’s what we can, and Lindsay should, learn about how to handle a breakup.

1.Do Not Blab It To The Whole World: A lady never kisses and tells. Sure, cry on your bestie’s shoulder, but if you go smack talking your ex to every Tom, Dick, and US Weekly, like Lohan did, well then everyone will know that you can’t keep any of your lips shut.
2. Do Not Try To Find Them At Their Job: Party girl Linz tried to bust a move at the club where Sam was spinning Saturday night, but instead she got busted for party crashing and thrown out by security. An ex already took care of their business with you when they shut the door on your relationship. If they are even going to consider chit-chatting with you post-break up, it’s definitely not going to be at work, in front of all their colleagues, especially if you’re going to be a party buzz kill.
3. Do Not Contact Their Family: Stick to your own kind. The Lohan stalked Mark and tried to crash Charlotte’s party. If you wanna talk about the drama call your own friggin’ mama.
4. Do Not Threaten Suicide: Duh! SamRo was afraid to ditch the bitch because she threatened to take her own life. That is no way to find lasting love! You’re a big girl, go through the breakup, and if you’re actually, really feeling suicidal, see a counselor immediately. Your life is in your hands!
5. Do Not Try To Hang Out With Your Exes Friends: Lindsay tried to cozy up to SamRo’s pals and Nicole Ritchie told her flat out, “Uck.” When you break up, things can get territorial with mutual friends, but you’ve got to play it cool and let them come to you. And if you give it enough time, you can all be friends again. But if you beg for breakup attention or hunt for friends like a rabid she-beast, everyone will run scared.

[Miami Herald]

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