STD Playlist For The Party In Your Pants

When a red bump appeared on my crotch, I listened to Antony and the Johnson’s sad album about a dying tranny, “I Am A Bird Now,” while I waited to see a doctor at the walk-in clinic. Clearly, I’m a little dramatic and also, what I thought was the herp wound up just being an ingrown hair. Phew! But next time I get an STD scare, I’m not going to sit around the doctor’s office like a Debbie Downer. Instead, I’m going to listen to this bumpin’ STD Awareness Month playlist, made especially for the party in your pants. So, kids, don’t forget to always use a condom, and headphones!

1. “Party in My Pants,” Apollo Braun
2. “Ring of Fire,” Johnny Cash
3. “Burning Up,” Madonna
4. “Growing on Me,” The Darkness
5. “Dirrty,” Christina Aguilera
6. “Why Does It Hurt When I Pee,” Frank Zappa
7. “The Clap Song,” Yeah Yeah Yeahs
8. “The Itch,” Vitamin C